No Refunds
by Sixteen clumsy and shy
Summary: Extremely crackish. Raito wakes up to find an extremely pale, extremely skinny and naked--may he stress the word NAKED-- neko sitting on his stomach, staring him down.
1. Chapter 1: Naked Neko Madness

_Okay…I __know__ that I shouldn't be posting ANOTHER fic right now because I still have like…three more that aren't finished (though…one is a drabble fic…but that's beside the point!) This idea has been stewing in my head for the last three weeks now, and it keeps having mutant plot bunnies all over my flipping floor. _

_-sigh- And on top of that, I lost my 'Porn Note'-book that had the next TWO chapters of 'We both Go Down Together' in it. -face palm-_

_Anyway, on a happier note, I hope you all enjoy this crackish fic. I certainly am enjoying my time writing it and giggling to myself. _

_**I don't own Death Note, nor any of the references made in this fic (Absolute Boyfriend, Loveless…etc…)**_

_**--**_

Something tickled his nose that was fuzzy and smelled faintly of strawberries. Raito's eyelids twitched as he was slowly pulled out of the deep sleep he normally fell in.

"Nng…" He mumbled lowly, and was suddenly aware of something _heavy_ sitting on his stomach. Honey eyes fluttered open, and widened in shock.

Owlish grey eyes met shocked honey; Raito had to clench his jaw shut so as to not let it drop open.

An extremely pale, extremely skinny and naked (may he stress the word '**naked**') raven haired male sat leisurely on his stomach. Black cat ears sat on top of the male's head, and a black tail swished from one side to the other as if he was thinking whether or not he wanted to pounce on the youth.

"What the FUCK?!" Raito yelled, and sat up to turn on his bed-side lamp (which only resulted in the neko male being pulled closer to him). The male gave him a small smile.

"Master shouldn't yell." Raito wanted (and was about to) punch the man away from him, but the strange statement caused him to still.

"'Master'? What are you talking about? Who _are_ you?"

The neko pouted slightly, "Raito-sama doesn't even know who I am…" He sighed and wrapped his skinny arms around the youth's waist in a loose hug. "I am L, Raito-sama's servant. I arrived merely an hour ago."

Raito tried to pry the naked neko's arms from his waist, but stopped once again and narrowed his eyes. _'Arrived', as in…shipped here?_ The auburn haired youth thought, and he felt an angry blush over-take his cheeks.

Oh Sayu was going to pay.

Of course Raito instantly recognized the cat ears and tail as trademarks of the _Sakura Love-Love Android Company_ (they advertised on television), and the only one who knew of his attraction to males was his little sister Sayu.

"L…" The neko-bot's ears perked up at the sound of his name. Raito blushed, and looked away. He cleared his throat awkwardly. "Why are you…erm, naked?" The neko slowly unwrapped his arms from the youth's waist and looked down at his exposed self. A light pink dusted over his pale face.

"All servants arrive in the nude incase their master turns out to be a pervert," L tilted his head to one side and gazed at Raito with wide eyes. One of the cat ears twitched slightly. "Raito-sama seems affected by my appearance; perhaps he is a pervert?" Raito blushed angrily, and shoved the neko off of his lap. The android toppled to the floor, and looked wounded as the youth stood and walked towards the door.

"Do you have any clothing?" Raito snapped, averting his eyes from the neko.

"Raito-sama isn't very kind,' L mumbled and wrapped the twisted sheet around his skinny body. "I do. I have a pair of pants, a shirt, and underwear, thank you very much." If his master could snap at him, then he was going to snap back. The neko's ears drooped, and his tail swished slightly in hurt.

Raito inaudibly sighed and ran a hand through his sweaty hair. "W-where are they?" He managed to squeak out. L walked closer to the youth, stood on his tip-toes and gave Raito a small peck on the cheek.

"They are down-stairs. I forgive Raito-sama for snapping at me. It _was_ my fault for calling him a pervert when he obviously isn't one." Raito gulped, nodded and turned to walk out of the room.

Poor neko L…if only he knew.

-----------

"So…what do you like to eat?" They were looking over menus at one of Raito's favorite café's three hours after the whole 'You're my master' fiasco.

The neko's ears perked up, and a tiny delighted smile came to his pink lips. "Cake!" He said cutely. Raito smiled kindly in return; so Sayu decided to give him an android with a sweet tooth?

People glanced at the youth who had a very expensive android (five hundred-thousand yen to be precise). Mostly, they were used to seeing elderly business men with fluffy little girl neko-bots, or celebrity women with handsome male neko-bots. Never had they seen a relatively handsome young man in his early twenties (he was a law student) with a cutely uke neko-bot.

Somehow it was…kind of pathetic really.

Their waitress arrived at their table; her fake 'I wish to serve you food!' smile was properly in place. "May I take your orders er, gentlemen?"

Raito glanced boredly at her, "Once black coffee please." His honey eyes swiveled to the neko. "Do you want anything, L?" He asked, a little more kindly.

"Strawberry cheese cake, please." The waitress felt a general smile spread over her lips and she walked away.

Raito sighed inaudibly when his cell phone began to vibrate in his pocket. L watched silently as his master answered the small contraption. He tilted his head slightly, and pulled a thumb up to his pink lips. Raito grumbled angrily into the phone. "Sayu, what the hell did you do?"

The law student heard giggling come from the other end of the line. "Don't 'cha just love him nii-san?"

"…" Raito glanced at L through a fringe of auburn colored bangs. More giggling came from the other end.

"You two look so cute together!" Sayu burst out laughing, "Matt says you can have a little maid dress he bought for your neko!"

"Sayu…get your ass over here. I know that you can see me." Raito seethed into the phone. He heard his sister sigh, and a small 'click' indicated that their phone conversation was over.

"Nii-san isn't very nice!" Sayu sighed, plopping next to the quiet neko. She grinned and gave L a tight hug. "My name is Sayu, you're new sister-in-law, L-kun!"

The neko blushed and glanced quickly at Raito. "Raito-sama looks angry." He squeaked.

Raito sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "No, I'm not angry L." Sayu snickered.

"More along the lines of sexually frustrated." The law student's left eye began to twitch.

"SAYU!"

-

They were sitting quietly in the law student's tiny living room; L's spidery fingers were wrapped around a small tea cup filled to the brim with over sugared tea. He watched his master with hooded eyes as the youth poured over a book discussing how governments became corrupted, and what types of laws they would pass.

All in all, the neko was very bored.

He took a small sip of the tea; his tail swished from one side to the other. A small sigh left his mouth. "Raito-sama," The law student looked up from his book. The neko yawned. "I am very bored."

Raito puffed a strand of hair away from his eyes, "What am I supposed to do about that?"

L sipped his tea, "Well…Raito-sama could get me more sugar."

Raito looked back at his book. "You already put eight spoon fulls of sugar in your tea. Do you _really_ need anymore?"

"But it's still too bitter…" At this moment, the law student was saved from getting any more sugar for the neko because the phone began to ring.

Raito glanced at the neko and gestured for him to be quiet. "Hello?"

"Raito!" His mother's voice chirped happily from the small plastic contraption. He smiled easily, and glanced at the neko. One ear was perked up as if he was curious as to what his master was smiling at.

"Hello mother, how are you?"

"I'm fine, just fine. Sayu had just finished telling me that you're dating again?" Raito felt his stomach drop. " She says you two are quite serious already."

Oh god…he was going to _murder_ his little sister, and then dig her up and clone her. Then, he would kill all her clones. Then, he'd never talk to her again! "…yes mother, I am…er dating again." His mother squealed happily.

"You both have to come for dinner tonight!" He heard Sayu agreeing full heartedly in the back ground. He felt his brain being to fuzz in and out of rational thinking.

"A-alright. Sure." Raito instantly wanted to give himself a concussion with the heavy phone. WHAT DID HE JUST DO?!

His mother said her goodbyes and that she'd see them in an hour. Raito agreed almost robotically. His hand instantly hung up the phone, and he turned to his staring neko-bot.

"It…looks like we're going to see my parents."

-

-

_Dun dun DUUUUUNN! Oh noez, what's going to happen? _

_-laughs- I don't know why I find this so funny. _

_Anyway, please review. Also, tell me if you can find the 'Madagascar' reference. I've seriously watched that movie too many times._


	2. Chapter 2: Dinner with the family

_Oh my __KIRA__! You guys are __the best__! All your reviews made me smile and spaz whenever I checked my email! -grins stupidly- _

_**This chapter is dedicated to EVERYONE who reviewed! If I could, I'd buy you all neko-L's (because I know I want one XD just kidding…)**_

_**-**_

_**-**_

"I don't see why I have to wear this hat," L poked the plaid page-boy hat that covered his ears, "And stuff my tail in my pants." The bullet train rumbled lowly around them. People talked loudly, filling both men's ears in a mass jumble of sounds. Raito rolled his honey colored eyes.

"My parents don't exactly know that I have a neko-bot."

L glanced at him with wide eyes, "Or that Raito-sama is attracted to men?" Raito scowled and looked quickly away, a blush lightly dusting his cheeks.

"How much did Sayu tell you?" He mumbled as the train came to a rumbling stop. They stood, and Raito felt one of L's cold hands grip loosely around one of his own. The neko smiled up at him, and laid his capped head on the youth's shoulder.

"Only a little bit; I need to know about my master, yes?" If Raito was in an anime, he would have sweat-dropped.

"…Sure…"

---

Raito knocked slowly on the wooden door to his childhood home. L still held onto his hand, and to the untrained eye (meaning everyone who would even _glance_ at them) it probably looked as if the neko was hiding behind the law student.

Raito heard someone's feet padding quickly toward the door, and soon he was met with Sayu's Cheshire cat grin. The girl's happy smile only grew as her chocolate eyes landed on the hiding L. "Mom's ecstatic…" She mumbled.

Raito grinned politely, and from behind clenched teeth, he said, "I'm going to kill you."

Sayu stuck her tongue out at her older brother as he walked elegantly through eh door way. "Mom! Raito and his date are here!" She ran away so Raito wouldn't have been able to direct a burning glare her way.

The neko-bot looked down the hallway as a pleasant looking woman went to greet his master. Her chocolate brown eyes landed on him, and a rosy red blush covered her cheeks. "See! Isn't he adorable mom!?" Sayu jumped excitedly by his master's mother. A nice smile lifted the woman's lips.

"I'm glad you two could make it. Raito, you're father is going to be here in thirty minutes. L-kun," She turned to the neko-bot. Raito was about to ask how in the hell she knew his neko's name, but one look at a smug-Sayu told him everything. "Can you please help Raito set the table?"

The neko smiled pleasantly, earning another blush from the older woman. "Of course Yagami-san." She smiled once more before she turned and walked back to where-ever she had first come from.

Raito quickly turned to Sayu. "Just wait…" He was about to finish the sentence with '_you don't know when or where, but I will get you!_' but the young Yagami girl just laughed and skipped off.

Plates and chop-sticks were set up to Raito's qualifications, and soon, the neko found himself perched in some-what of a peculiar way on the Yagami family's dark green couch, watching quietly as Raito and Sayu played a savage game of uno.**(1)**

Both siblings had one card, and neither had the correct color. L desperately wished that they would stop quietly insulting each other.

"I'm gonna win, Nancy-boy!" Sayu spat with a quiet smirk. Her hand was positioned over the deck as she said this, and after she pulled another card, her smirk fell.

"Hm, I guess after this game, I'll just have to tell dad where you actually went last weekend instead of going to my house." His master had a cool, confident smirk settled on his lips.

Sayu's eyes narrowed, and the neko could actually make out some of the family resemblance when they glared. "You wouldn't dare…" Raito's eyes flashed as he drew a 'wild card'.

"I would, because _that_ is _all_ I would do. I wouldn't go out and buy a freaking android for their older brother!" It was a good thing L didn't hear his master's last comment, because that probably would have hurt the poor neko-android.

"It was all Matt's idea!" This statement, Sayu yelled. And, somehow, Raito wasn't surprised by this fact.

-

"I'm home…" A tired voice called from the small doorway. Sayu had retreated to the kitchen after their game of uno (Raito had won, go figure) and now she currently squealed in delight when their father announced that he was home. Her feet thundered down the hallway, "Yay! Dad's home!" Raito wished that the couch would eat him. He heard his father chuckle lowly as Sayu began to breathlessly tell him about how Raito was home and how he had brought home his _adorable_ date! Now he really wished the couch would eat him…please?

L glanced at the law student who sat beside him. "Do you think that I should be introduced to your father, Raito-sama?" A small delicate blush was on L's pale cheeks, and Raito briefly wondered how the Sakura Love-Love company made neko-bots blush. Hm, it was a conundrum…"Raito-sama?" L poked the law student in the side; this instantly brought him out of his dazed state.

"Y-yes?" He blinked rapidly. L chuckled slightly.

"I asked if Raito-sama wished to introduce me to his father, though he seems content with staring at me." Raito rolled his eyes and stood.

"C'mon then, Princess L." He held out his hand as if he was helping a noble woman out of a carriage.

Raito's father was helping Sayu with math equations when the two men walked into the average looking kitchen. His father looked up, saw the blushing neko and raised a bush eyebrow. He looked back at Sayu's math paper.

"I take it that this is your date, son?" Raito nodded.

"Yes sir."

His father looked up and smiled at the neko. "Glad you could join us for dinner." His father's dark eyes glittered from behind his glasses. _He's trying not to laugh at me!_ Raito thought suddenly. So apparently _everyone_ knew that he was gay!

Great.

L smiled quickly at the police officer, quite unaware of his master's embarrassment at having been found out. "Thank you for having me, sir. I'm afraid I haven't introduced myself yet. My name is L." Raito's father nodded, and soon diner was started.

---

"I like Raito-sama's family." L said on the ride back to the law student's apartment. He had pulled off the plaid hat half-way through the ride, and had laid his head on the youth's shoulder much as he did on the ride up to the Yagami family residence. Raito pushed down the blush of embarrassment and of something strongly resembling happiness out of the slight bodily contact.

"I think they liked you too." Raito said slowly, his eyes flickering to a small group of teenaged girls who giggled and pointed in their direction.

Wasn't it just last week when one of them tried to get his phone number?

The neko-bot yawned cutely and rubbed at one of his eyes. "That's good…" Soon, the android had fallen asleep.

Raito sighed as one of the girls (he recognized the girl as the one whom had tried to get his phone number) plopped down beside him. She grinned. "I like your neko-bot."

"Thanks." He replied curtly. She began to play with one of her pig-tails (fashioned after pop-star/model Misa-Misa one of his ex-girlfriends, now turned best friend.)

"Now I know why you turned me down."

"Yeah, funny how those things work out, eh?" At this, the bullet-train pulled to a stop, and Raito had to carry his sleeping neko home.

-

"Okay…how am I gonna do this?" Raito looked up the long flight of stairs that lead to his bedroom. He looked down at the sleeping neko that was tightly wrapped up in his arms. Raito sighed, looked once more at the top of the stairs, and then back at his little neko.

"I guess that I'm gonna have to sleep on the couch, huh?" The law student glanced to his left, and then to his right. "I really need to stop talking to myself."

-

-

**(1) Do they even **_**have**_** uno in Japan?**

_I tell that to myself all the time! :D I hope you guys like this update! L is so kawaii! (I want one so bad!)_

_Please please keep up your wonderful reviews, because reviews to me are like…well, what cigarettes and alcohol are to normal humans. XD _


	3. Chapter 3: Instant Cake mixes

_Have you ever tried listening to Aqua while trying to draw something angsty? It doesn't work (laughs). It really just makes you want to write bubble gum. _

_-_

Something was drawing him up from the world of unconsciousness. It was slightly irritating to the neko; it was something that he would normally ignore, grumble about, and fall asleep again.

But this was something different.

This noise was high pitched, buzzing and continuous. "Mmm…" He groaned softly into warm pillow his head was resting on. It smelled nice…kinda like apples, that or apple pie. Yum.

"…L?" The neko's eyes fluttered open when he heard his master's voice; his ears flew up, and once he hit consciousness, the annoying buzzing became louder and even more irritating.

"Master?" The neko then looked down and noticed that he was laying sprawled on top of his master. "I-I'm sorry, master…" His skinny arms shook lightly as he lifted his body from his very comfortable 'pillow'. Raito yawned.

"Don't apologize, L; you didn't do anything…" The neko averted his owlish eyes and still got off of the law student.

Raito scowled angrily toward the direction of where the buzzing noise was coming from. "Damn alarm clock." He muttered, standing up and walking to the bed room. L watched quietly; few seconds later, the buzzing was cut short.

The neko watched as the law student got ready for his day. Books, pens, and random papers were thrown together; the neko cocked his head to the left, one ear twitched lightly as his master gathered up his tings. "Where is Raito-sama going?" He asked.

Raito ran a hand through his freshly brushed auburn hair; he glanced at L, then back at his bag, his eyes flickering over the things inside incase he had forgotten anything. "I have morning classes that I need to attend."

"Will I be going as well?"

"No, you'll be staying here."

L sighed lightly, "But I'll die of boredom…"

Raito snorted and turned to leave; he gave the neko a small smile. "I'm sure you'll manage."

-

The afternoon sunlight blinded him; a small sigh left his mouth as he mentally went over the list of where to eat. "Uh-um…Raito-san?"

Raito turned with an irritated groan, but a polite smile lifted his lips. Takada Kyomi smiled bashfully up at him. A red blush blotted her cheeks. "Um would you like to got to lunch…with me?" How was he going to say 'no' with out sounding like a complete jack ass?

"Uh--"

"Raito-sama!" Skinny arms wrapped around the law student's waist, and Raito could see a small bento clenched tightly in one spidery hand. Takada's eyes had widened to an almost unimaginable degree as his neko smiled happily up at him.

"L…what are you doing here?" He turned around and noticed that L had not wore a hat; cat ears happily poked out of his raven hair, and a small pink blush was on his porcelain face.

"I became bored whilst sitting alone at Raito-sama's home, so I made him lunch." Here the neko held out the small bento box, and smiled shyly.

Raito didn't even notice as Takada quietly walked away.

He sighed and then smiled softly at his neko; honestly, how could he be angry when L acted so cute? "Do you want to eat with me?" The neko nodded eagerly.

-

"How did you make this?" Raito asked after swallowing his last bite of rice. L finished the last doughnut he had brought for his own lunch; he began licking the pink frosting off of his finger tips.

"Sayu-chan came over after Raito-sama left; she was quite disappointed when I told her that he gone. She taught me how to make Raito-sama's favorite bento." Raito made a small 'hm' noise in the back of his throat. Sayu was apologizing by using his cute neko…oh well.

-

"…is Raito-sama leaving again?" The neko asked as Raito stood from the small alcove they had sat in to finish their lunch. The law student yawned softly, and glanced at the raven haired male.

"I have to; anyway, it's only another hour of class. I'm sure you can find something exciting to do while you're waiting for me, L." The neko nodded sadly, but as Raito turned to go to his next class, he felt the neko's hands grab one of his own.

"Raito-sama…wait." The law student turned and raised an eyebrow at L's blushing face.

"What?" L softly bit his bottom lip and averted his owlish eyes. The neko leaned up and gave his master a soft kiss. He smiled slightly as he pulled back from the youth's mouth.

"Okay," He said, "You can leave now." Raito looked at his neko, eyes wide and face burning. His lips tingled (however cliché that sounded) and he found himself wishing that it would happen again.

L cocked his head to the left in a curious manner. "Raito-sama has been staring at me for 3.5 seconds; doesn't he need to go to class?" Raito blushed again, and cleared his throat awkwardly.

"O-of course, sorry about…staring. I was…er, lost in thought." The neko smiled goofily, and gave a small 'hm' in response.

-

"Sayu-chan also taught me how to make stir-fry." L said. They were in a moderately well sized grocery store that was only a block and a half away from the law student's apartment.

Raito raised an eyebrow as L stared at the instant cake-mixes. "Really now? It seems that you're a bit more interested in cake than stir-fry." The neko looked over his shoulder and stuck out his tongue (a purely childish act) _Too cute!_ The law student thought, placing three green bell peppers into the small basket he had.

"Look over there!" He heard some old woman screech silently.

"Atrocious!" _What are they talking about?_ Raito thought, leaning over L to grab three boxes of cake mix the neko couldn't reach.

"I can't believe that people buy those…things!" The first woman hastily whispered. Luckily (or unluckily) he had good hearing.

"It's pathetic! Young men and women thinking that it's so great to have something that obeys their every command! Sick!"

Raito noticed that L's ears were beginning to droop; he felt the blood rush to head, and he turned to the two whispering old hags. "Excuse me," He had a wickedly sweet smile on his face. One hand was gripped protectively around L's own skinny hand. The two women jumped at his directness. "I would appreciate it if you would stop your mindless complaining until after I leave."

He turned on his heal and stalked toward the cash register. L turned toward the two women, stuck out his tongue and…flipped them the bird.

-

-

_And so, chapter three! I'm sorry this is late, I haven't been able to go on the computer because my mother keeps hogging it. I haven't been able to read any of the things I have on alert, nor have I been able to check my email. _

_(sigh) Please review anyway :D_


	4. Chapter 4: In which Matt arrives

_I'm in a bad/good mood right now. And…I'm kinda hungry, so I think after I'm done typing this, I'll get some lasagna that I made. Mmm…I'm watching the "Nutcracker" on public broadcasting. :D_

_-_

The phone was ringing…at five in the morning.

Raito grumbled angrily into his pillow; his eyes snapped open as the phone kept up its relentless vendetta against his ears. 'Click' "Hello?" Sounds of simulated gun-fire raged in the back ground of the other end of the line.

An explosion was heard, and the utterance of 'Shit!' "Hey Raito." The voice from his nicotine addicted friend floated through the phone's tiny speakers. Raito wanted to hurt the gamer badly. He opened his mouth to speak, but Matt interrupted with the sound of a gun shot. "Do you like your present?" The gamer asked in a type of singsong voice; Raito could _see_ the large feline grin wrapped around a burning cigarette he knew Matt was wearing.

He growled into the phone. "Good bye." 'Click,' and the line went dead.

-

A long sigh followed by tangy cigarette smoke tumbled out of his gamer friend's mouth. The clanging and yelling that usually fills pub air during a Friday night rumbled around the two men. Matt lifted his drink to his lips, and glowered from under a fringe of red bangs. "I don't see why you're so angry at me; you seem pretty happy that you've got your neko."

Raito rolled his eyes; Matt had invited him out for a few drinks two hours ago, and Raito had replied that 'of course he would love to, but Matt would have to explain how in the hell he got the money to buy an effing neko-bot!' Raito had said this all very kindly, and with out any anger in his voice.

Matt replied that 'he sounded extremely pissed off, and that he couldn't wait.'

"Where is L anyway?" Matt asked again for the hundredth time that evening. Raito sighed (again) into his drink.

"Remember? I dropped him off with Sayu and my mother for the evening." Matt loved to play the oblivious drunk.

Matt puffed again on his cigarette before stubbing the skinny white stick in the overly used ash tray. "Ya know Sayu said that getting him was a grand plan--"

"But what I told her was in confidence! She didn't need to got and blab what I said to everyone and their fucking sister!" Matt laughed rudely at the law student's flushed face.

"Dude…everyone noticed that you're gayer than fucking Christmas." Raito sighed and nodded slowly.

"I should be…glad that my parents and sister accept the fact that I'm gay…" Matt patted the youth roughly on the back, causing Raito to cough and sputter.

"Another round on the Gay Boy!"

-

Meanwhile, the two Yagami women were laughing quietly to themselves while they placed frilly pink bows in Raito's sleeping neko's hair. The neko had fallen into a deep slumber after consuming half of a freshly baked cake Sayu had made especially for him.

One of his ears had popped out of the page-boy hat he had wore, and soon Sayu had just said 'Screw it' and pulled the hat off.

Surprisingly though, Mrs. Yagami wasn't fazed at all by this.

The two women had finally left the poor neko alone when he decided that it would be safe to open his owlish eyes. As he sat up and stretched leisurely, L poked one of the pink bows in his hair.

"Hmm…" He stood and shuffled over to the average looking kitchen. His stomach rumbled lowly, and L sincerely hoped that there was more cake. His mind then switched to his master, and he let a small delighted smile lift his lips. Where was his Raito-sama? Was he thinking about L?

The neko then realized that these were normal things programmed into a neko-bot: to think about their master 24/7. Most of the time, that was a hassle because his program had been downloaded many times into different bodies; this was the first master that he truly _liked_. Hm, that was curious…

"Ah." A large grin spread over his lips as he pulled out a half eaten cake. L hummed a pleasant tune as he devoured the second half of the wondrous cake. He let the last bite melt on the tip of his tongue; the handle to the front door jiggled slightly as it was being unlocked. L pulled the once frosting covered fork out of his mouth and watched as his master walked slowly into the small living room. It appeared he was assisting someone with walking. L's brow furrowed slightly. That was strange.

"Uuugh…I feel like someone stomped on my face…" He heard a groggy male's voice come from the couch. Raito's back was turned to him, so the neko couldn't see his master's expression.

"You had eight shots of sake, some rum and coke, _and_ five beers. It's gonna feel like someone stomped on your face." L's ear twitched, and he lifted a thumb to his mouth. His master's voice didn't sound slurred; maybe it was just this person who drank so much?

L heard the person hiccup, and then groan in pain. "I-I'm never gonna do that again…"

The neko quietly walked into the small living room, his owlish eyes flicked from the figure that lay on the couch. A tallish red-headed man lay with his hand over his eyes; goggles were tightly clamped in the male's other hand, and his lips were open so that small disgruntled groans could escape his mouth.

"…Raito-sama?" The neko's eyes were wide in faux cautiousness, but he had seen a drunk male once or twice in his many 'life-times'. The addressed turned and gave the quiet neko a welcoming smile.

"How was your evening, L?" The law student asked, completely ignoring the groaning couch man.

L wanted to get closer to his handsome master, and so he inched to his master's warmth. "It was…uneventful," He raised an eyebrow, "Unlike, it seems, Raito-sama's?" The neko indicated toward the (now passed out) red head with a delicate swoosh of his hand.

Raito chuckled lowly, and the neko felt his heart flutter lightly in his chest at the noise. "Yeah. The sad part was that I had to pay for it all." L inched closer to his master, feeling nervousness begin to well in his gut. Perhaps he shouldn't of had that other side of cake…?"

"That is unfortunate." Raito's eyes became half lidded, and the neko felt their bodies slide closer to each other. "…I want…Raito-sama to kiss me…" L whispered, leaning up toward the law student.

And…this was the point in which Matt chose to puke all over himself.

---

"So you're telling me that I ralfed all over myself _just_ as you two were about to snog!?" Matt was sitting in nothing but his play station boxers. A cigarette was posed delicately between two slender fingers, and a glass of fizzy medicated water was gripped tightly in the other.

"Yes." Raito said curtly, moving a pile of magazines that sat on the gamer's royal blue couch.

Raito had taken L home and told him to stay there so he could drop off his drunk best-friend. After arriving the gamer woke up in a daze to ask Raito why was he trying to get in his pants? The law student promptly dropped him (and his puke stained clothing) onto the floor.

"Geez, sorry dude." Matt took a drag of his cigarette, "I pick the best times to suck all the romance outta the room, huh?"

Raito rolled his eyes. "I'm going home. I can see that you're not going to die."

"Make 'im limp!" The gamer yelled to his best friend as the door closed shut,.

"Fuck off!" And angered voice yelled back. Matt snickered.

-

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_Yeah…so here's chapter four. I hope you guys like this. _

_Please review :D_


	5. Chapter 5: In which Raito is seme

'_ello people! Here's the newest chapter of 'No Refunds'. I apologize before hand if this is a sucky chapter. I'm not great with lemons yet (probably because I've been depraved of smut for weeks!)_

_It took me days to write this because I didn't wanna ruin a good story with a bad lemon. _

_**Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own Death Note. If I did, the plot would be crazier. I only own this plot.**_

_--_

The law student entered his home, with slightly dirty thoughts plaguing his mind. Stupid Matt.

The apartment was silent and dark; the law student sighed, running a hand through his hair (which was becoming an annoying habit really) and walked up the stair case.

'_Make him limp' what an idiotic thing to say,_ Raito felt his face heat up, _As if I would. I-I mean…_The law student sighed, and opened his bedroom door.

L looked up from a small book he held between his thumb and a forefinger. The neko's eyes seemed to light up as the law student stood, red faced in the doorway. "Hello, Raito-sama." Raito gave the neko a small smile.

_**Calm, cool and collected as always, eh Raito?**_ The hentai side of his brain whispered deviously. Raito mentally scowled.

_Quiet you; I'm anything _but_ 'calm, cool and collected.'_ His hentai side snorted rudely.

_**Sayu and Matt are right about one thing: you **_**do**_** need to get laid.**_

L had crawled off the bed and now was standing slouched in front of the law student. His head was cocked to one side, and a thumb rested in between his pink lips. "Raito-sama is staring again."

Raito felt his cheeks heat in embarrassment at his perverted mind; was he more of a hentai than (dare he say it!?) Matt for thinking that he could take advantage of a cute thing like L? _**Oh my god Raito! Matt fucking bought you a SEX ROBOT! You. Are. A. Twit for not allowing yourself a bit of fun!**_

Raito really, _really_ hated that dark part of his brain.

"Raiiiiiitttoooooo-saaaaaaammmmaaaaa…." L was waving a spidery hand in front of his face. The neko turned, and waved his hand almost in an airy dismissive gesture. "I guess no one is home--!" The law student had wrapped his arms tightly around the neko's waist; a small triumphant smirk had settled on his mouth when he hear the neko squeak, "R-Raito-sama?"

He could feel his head spin slightly as he felt the soft lines of his neko's body. Why was he doing this? L turned to face his master; a pink blush was dusted heavily over his pale narrow face. "…does Raito-sama want me?"

Raito chuckled lowly; his hot breath fanned over the neko's flushed face. "God yes." He pressed his mouth against the neko's, molding his lips over L's quivering mouth. Several small pecks he gave to L before the neko let the law student have full access to his hot orifice.

They broke apart after two or three minuets of continuously snogging; quivering pants mingled together as both males fought for air. _He tastes sweet_. Raito thought hazily, looking through hooded eyes down at his flushed neko. L's eyes drifted down to the apparent bulge in the law student's kaki pants.

"Master seems…already…stimulated." Raito snorted softly.

"Of course I would be," He kissed the end of the neko's nose, and smirked at the dark blush on L's cheeks. "Do you have _any_ idea of how cute you look right now?" The neko scowled slightly at his master, and pouted lightly.

The law student roughly kissed the more submissive one again, using his body to slightly push the other onto the bed. L landed with a small squeak on the plush mattress; Raito trailed hot kisses from the neko's trembling mouth, down his throat and to the junction where the raven haired neko's neck met his shoulder.

Raito felt spidery fingers weave in his hair, and he felt a small self-satisfied smile creep onto his mouth. He slid a hand under L's cotton shirt, running his shaking fingers over the neko's flat stomach and pert nipples. He rolled the nub softly between two fingers, causing L to gasp, "Raito-sama…" Raito pulled the white shirt up more, uncovering his devious hand to be replaced by his mouth. He felt himself harden even more at hearing the tiny mewls, squeaks and breathless gasps the neko tried to stifle.

He moved up to the neko's mouth and gave him a lingering kiss. "I want you to be audible to me; don't hide what you're feeling." L nodded quickly.

"May I…kiss you?" He squeaked shyly. Raito grinned only as a response. L kissed him softly at first, but as Raito groaned in pleasure did he become more daring. He didn't know what his master liked, so he was taking things…'slowly'.

Yeah, _slow._

The neko started unbuttoning the law student's shirt. His fingertips stroked every inch of slightly tanned abdomen as they were slowly revealed. Raito shuddered in pleasure and he shrugged out of his unbuttoned shirt. His fingers pulled the cotton shirt over L's head, the neko arching up to him in order to get the material off.

The neko connected their lips, a hand woven in Raito's auburn hair. Their tongues battled for dominance inside L's sweet tasting mouth. The neko broke apart their kiss briefly to pant quickly, "Ratio-sama…" His black eyes (darkened considerably by lust) told the law student that he needed taken care of. Raito mentally grinned, and high-fived his hentai side.

The law student's long fingers pet and stroked every inch of the neko's torso before he moved to the brass button that held L's pants on. The neko's pants flew to an obscure direction; Raito deviously grinned at seeing the neko's _adorable_ strawberry print undies.

"S-Sayu-chan bought them." L stuttered, blushing and looking away from the sultry look Raito was sending his groin. His master's honey/amber eyes looked up at him, and flashed the neko a mischievous grin.

"I'll remember to thank her later." He chuckled lowly and nipped the neko's ear lobe softly, causing L to silently groan. His hand ghosted over the neko's groin, earning a breath gasp from his cutely flustered neko.

"Raito-s-sama…p-please?" The law student pressed his fingertips over the neko's still cloth covered groin as he slid his other hand under the elastic of L's underwear. His fingers wrapped around the base of the neko's shaft, and he toyed with the head. "Mm-ah…" The neko squirmed, his fingers tightening in Raito's auburn colored hair. "Please…" He whimpered cutely, lifting his hazy eyes to Raito's lusty amused gaze. The law student gave the neko a slow kiss, petting L's pink, bruised lips with his own.

"Alright." L began to eagerly unbutton Raito's pants, flinging them to one side, and then his black boxers went after the neko's were thrown in roughly the same direction.

Raito clamped his lips against the soft indent of L's navel, tracing the edge with a tongue. He slid his wet muscle in and out of it suggestively, causing the neko to groan and mumble silent words of pleasure. Raito's fingers skimmed the outside of L's hips, and he scrapped his short fingernails on the sensitive flesh around the neko's cock. "Ah! Master!" God, he needed L before he made him cum by the delicious noises he was making.

Raito swept his other hand around the neko's tight opening, feeling the neko tense slightly. "R-Raito-sama, I'm…scared." The neko's eyes were wide with virginal fear; Raito leaned up and kissed his neko protectively.

"Relax L." Raito said the clichéd line that everyone reads in some sort of yaoi manga and/or fanfiction, but he meant it. L tried to make his body relax just as his master had ordered him to; why was the neko so afraid? Past experience should have made him an expert in the art of sex (love making, fucking, wham-bam-thankyou-sam-ing, whatever you wanted to call it.) The neko's mind clicked, and thought that perhaps it was because of all his past personalities and 'lives' all jumbled into one that made him feel frightened during sex.

He didn't know because he was only aware of Raito's fingers slowly probing him.

"Ah-AH!" His breath came out in short wheezing gasps; L squeezed his dark eyes closed over pained tears. Raito stopped his slow ministrations, and placed his other hand against the neko's flushed cheek.

"Relax." He replied lowly, stroking L's soft cheek with the pad of his thumb. The neko nodded stiffly as the law student added a third finger. He sharply bit his bottom lip, reminding himself over and over again that he already knew the pain of love-making and the euphoric bliss that came with it after-wards.

He didn't watch as Raito lubricated himself with sticky pre-cum, nor did he want to see as Raito slowly sheathed himself inside of his body. The neko's long toes curled tightly on the rumbled sheet, and his long fingers twisted almost painfully in his master's hair. "L…l-look at m-me." Raito whispered huskily, declaring that the neko open his hazy pain and lust filled eyes. "You'll be fine, I-I won't hurt you." A dark red blush was on his master's cheeks, and L could only nod hazily. His thin body was shaking and becoming used to the feeling of Raito being inside of him. And…he desperately wanted the man to move.

"M-Master, move please." L said breathlessly, curling and uncurling his long toes. Raito shuddered pleasantly at the feel of L tightly wrapped around him. "M-move." L breathed hotly against his neck; his fingers twitching in the law student's hair, trying to urge the man to move.

Raito began with slow thrusts; L licked his master's bottom lip, "Faster please." Raito almost groaned in happiness at his neko's urging; their movements were erratic and uneven in their hurry to fulfill each other's wants and needs. "Raito-sama!" L moaned as the law student directly hit his 'sweet spot'. Both males' bodies shook and shuddered as orgasm threatened to break down their theoretical doors.

"L oh…oh god…" Raito ground out, thrusting deeper within the neko's body.

They both panted and whined as they adjusted to the uneven pattern they had both made. "Rai-Raito-sama…!" L moaned as the law student once more hit that delicious spot whilst he bit and licked at his sensitive throat.

A building pressure was causing both males to see spots of black and white every time they blinked, or squeezed their eyes shut in heady pleasure. Raito roughly bit down on L's shoulder, licking the red spot to sooth it. His hand fiddled and played with the neko's unaided cock and balls; his fingers danced over the shaft, and the leaking head.

L twitched and moaned loudly for release; Raito smirked, his thrusts growing faster and harder with every noise his little neko made. He could feel his own orgasm coming close, and soon he moaned loudly as it came crashing over him. He heard L moan his name, and he felt the neko's sticky cum in his hand.

They laid there, panting and trying to catch their breath. Raito pulled out of L's still shivering body, and laid down beside the neko. He wrapped his tired arms around L's skinny body, and nuzzled the crook of the neko's sweaty neck. L curled his body to Raito, also holding onto his master's lean frame. "Thank you, Raito-sama." L blushed, his eyelids growing heavy.

A few minuets passed before: "…Master?"

"Hm?"

"I'm hungry."

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_--wipes sweat away with a huff—Whoof! That was hard to write! As I said before, don't flame if this isn't the best lemon around; remember, I'm still…bumpy? With writing lemons. _

_--laughs—oh, little side note adventure; I was laughing at myself because of all the notes I write to myself in the margins of my note books. One was 'How does an android get a stiffy!?' I dunno, I thought it was funny. _

_Please review!_


	6. Chapter 6: A farm, babies, Peach Trees?

_The first update of 'No Refunds' for 2009 my duckies! _

_Okay, well, I write notes to myself in the margins of my note books, and this note is: "Apparently sex makes Raito FLUFFEH." _

_OMK ZOMG FREAKIN' GAH! I LOVE YOU GUYS! 65 reviews, 42 favs, and 48 alerts! You guys rock my socks right off my feet._

_Let's do this thing._

_-_

His eyelids began to twitch as he pleasantly woke up. His ears weren't victim to the blaring vendetta of an annoying alarm clock (which was always a nice feeling to have when you _rarely_ slept at all); today instead, his body was subjected to the wonderful sensation of his consciousness slowly climbing up the ladder to wakefulness.

L yawned softly, fluttering open his owlish eyes. He turned his head to one side, and felt a small smile lift his lips; Raito had buried his face in the neko's inky black hair, and his arm was slung over L's skinny body like a child with a favorite stuffed animal.

The neko giggled silently as he felt the law student's breath fan his sleep flushed cheeks. "Raito-sama?" He asked softly. The law student merely snuggled closer to him, and muttered something that sounded something like: _'Five more minuets, mommy…_' L chuckled silently to himself and looked at the window across the room.

Small white flurries danced behind the window between the slits of the hastily pulled down blinds; a small smile broke out over L's pink lips.

He had only ever seen snow once during his many 'life-times', but that had been when he lived with an abusive master who enjoyed masochism…

Maybe somewhere in the out backs Canada? He didn't like that man.

L felt Raito's eyelashes flutter against his neck, and then he yawned. "Good morning, Raito-sama." L smiled as his master sat up, trying to blink the sleep away from his honey eyes.

The neko giggled at his master's hair which stood out on all ends only on one side of his head. Raito yawned again, "What?" L sat up beside him and tried to smooth down the spiked side.

"Bed-head." The neko replied, stopping his ministrations. Raito smiled softly down at the neko, and kissed his forehead.

"Are you still hungry, L?" Raito asked, getting out from under the rumpled sheets, and stretching languidly. L blushed and averted his eyes from his master's obvious…nudity.

"Yes, Raito-sama." The law student glanced at the neko as he was pulling up a pair of pants.

"Well get dressed and we'll get something to eat." L smiled.

-

The moment they stepped out of the apartment complex, fat snow flakes descended down upon the two males. Raito held L's hand within his own glove covered one; the neko tugged lightly at the orange stocking cap that covered his raven hair, and looked up at the dancing flurries. A sweet smile graced his neko's lips as they walked through the powder covered streets.

Raito watched aw L flicked out his tongue to catch the white flurries; a small smile graced the law student's face. "What you want for breakfast, L?" He asked, and after a pause, Raito said, "Besides cake." The neko's face fell slightly, but then eyes brightened slightly.

He gave the law student a small smirk of triumph at finding a loophole in the 'I won't let L have cake for his first meal of the day!' rule. "Fine then, Raito-sama is going to deprive me of cake…then I'm going to say…pan_cakes_!" Raito groaned softly as L eagerly pulled him to the nearest café.

-

The overly cheery waiter annoyed L to no end; he watched as the _overly_ feminine (yes, L was _a bit_ feminine, but not overly so that you wanted to stab the person in the head with a spork.) man swooned and fluttered his eyes at L's Raito. That's why he didn't like the man. Grr…curses.

Raito seemed to know what the waiter was doing, and (being the Narcissist he knew he was) basked in the waiter's swooning; even though his neko and (ahem) _**lover**_ was sitting across from him, he silently flirted back. L glared daggers at the energetic waiter, and silently cursed Raito to the deepest darkest corners of--

Oh, pancakes!

Raito knew what he was doing, and flirting ended up in L receiving three extra pancakes; L silently forgave his master.

With a cute smile, L poured _half_ of the almost full syrup bottle over his stack of four pancakes; Raito watched with an amazed expression on his handsome face.

As the neko daintily lifted the fork to his waiting pink lips, he paused and rose an eyebrow up at his master. "Yes?" He drawled in question.

Raito rolled his eyes and cracked a tiny smile. "I'm just wondering _where_ you store that all." **(1)**

L cocked his head to the side, and placed the pancake and syrup covered silver in his mouth; he chewed thoughtfully and swallowed. Sighing in contentment, L blinked his owlish eyes up at his master. "An android needs to eat just like a normal human, but we can go on for a month with out food or drink. I eat because I enjoy food. As for storing it…I think it's instantly used for energy…"

Raito snorted softly and lifted his coffee cup to his lips. "It was a rhetorical question, L."

The neko blushed slightly, and opened his mouth to answer his master, but was interrupted by a hyper, high-pitched: "RAAAAIIIIII-CHHHAAAAANNN!!!!!!"

In a whirl-wind of blonde pigtails, black lace, and red leggings, Raito fell to the café's floor with a loud 'oof!'

L blinked down at his master who had a very hyper-active model/pop star bouncing on his chest.

Misa excitedly babbled, ignoring the man trapped underneath her who was currently struggling for air. '_Oxygen…I need oxygen!_' "Rai-chan should've called Misa-Misa and invited her to lunch! Sayu-chan said that Rai-chan was dating again! This is why he should have called Misa-Misa because we haven't had any 'girl talk' in a while Rai-chaaaan! Ooh, who is she!? Or is the 'she' a 'he'?! I bet it is, unless it's that skanky Takada bitch!"

"M-Misa…" Raito wheezed.

"Nonono! Misa-Misa bets that it's actually that Mikami-stalker-san who _**ALWAYS**_ gives Rai-chan 'the eye'! Ohmahgowd!"

"Misa!" The girl instantly closed her mouth as Raito pushed the girl off, and inhaled deeply to try and revive those precious lost brain cells of his. Battle lost, as Matt would say. Hmm…he would have to thank Matt later… "Misa," Raito began, "Sayu was…correct in saying that I'm…dating again." L brightened and physically straightened his back (well, slightly) at hearing his master say that they were 'an item'. Raito stood and flattened any creases in his perfectly pressed pants.

Being the gentleman he was, Raito helped Misa from the ground, blatantly ignoring the large group of people staring at them; he sighed at the bubbly blonde girl, and turned to the curious looking L.

Oh god…Misa was going to go spazzy Yaoi fan girl on him.

Misa dropped her blue eyes to L, who smiled slightly in greeting. A huge grin over-took the woman's scarlet painted mouth.

"OH MY GOD! SO KAWAII!!!!"

The woman then _launched_ herself _over_ the table just to hug the neko; she squealed happily as she basically crushed the male against her chest. "Oh my god oh my god oh my god! Rai-chan's boyfriend is soooo kawaii! Oh my GOD, you two should stay together FOREVER and have babies and move to a farm!!"

Both males looked up at each other: _A farm?_

Raito mentally sweat dropped as Misa mapped out his and L's _entire_ life together; she was in her own little world as she unhinged herself from L to clasp her hands in front of her body. L stood from the table, quickly grabbed Raito's hand, and they both got the hell out of dodge.

Misa's blue eyes sparkled as she sighed dreamily, "And you should have an orchard of peach trees!"

Thus, after an hour, Misa finally realized that she was alone.

-

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_(laughs) Oh man, Misa's such a fun character to write! Oh, by the way, please check out my one-shot called 'Courtly Love'. Yeah, it's a genderswitch, but I've always wanted to do something like that. :d_

**(1) Okay, what's that supposed to mean Rai-chan? Dirty dirty boy.**

_Alright people, we need some sort of problem to happen. Any ideas? _

_Please review!_


	7. Chapter 7: Misa: The pigtailed Menace

_Thank you thank you thank you thank you! Oh my god, you guys are the BEST! _

_This chapter is dedicated to my best friend/beta Sarah, who made me the cake mentioned here for my birthday :D. _

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, nor any references made. If I did, then Raito and L would be 'doin' the nasty' on every other panel. Sadly, I don't. **_

-

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L's brain was fuzzing in and out of rational thinking. Really, it was getting annoying. One moment, he would be talking or thinking about his favorite type of cake (which happened to be white cake with strawberry icing) and the next moment, he would be singing American folk songs. Badly.

This all began when Misa glomped him…interesting.

He hadn't told Raito about any of this because the law student was going to graduate soon, so the neko didn't want to put on anymore stress that his master was already feeling.

L licked his apple flavored lolly pop (dipped in sugar curtsey of Raito; L was complaining about how _bitter_ it was) and wiggled his ears.

His master wasn't home yet thanks to 'real world things' like _jobs_ (he was a waiter at a French restaurant down the road who made very decent tips…ah beauty), and it was safe to say: L was very bored.

_I wonder if Raito-sama has any doughnuts…_

-

Raito mentally sighed as he smiled with the glowing capacity of the sun at an elder couple; the more he tried not to think about it, the more it wriggled in his mind that something was wrong with L.

He was waved over to another table with two smiling and blushing women. He noted absently that one woman had slipped her phone number under the rather large tip; another mental sigh followed, and he silently thanked whatever God out there that he was gay.

The law student had turned his back to the door so he could clear a table for one moment (a grave mistake…) when a pair of lace covered hands slipped over his eyes. He could picture the large smile decorating his self-proclaimed best-friend's mouth. "Rai-chan!" Misa bubbled, "Guess who?"

"…the Pope?" He asked, waxing obliviousness.

Misa giggled and twirled his body around. She placed her hands on her skinny hips, and lifted a perfectly sculpted blonde eyebrow. "Guess _what_, Rai-chan?"

Raito saw his boss out of the corner of his eye; the man sighed. He was used to this…

Oh well, Raito made him good money.

"Misa, I need to get back to wor--"

"Misa-Misa stopped by Rai-chan's house earlier, and was surprised to see that little Boyfriend-chan was home all_ alone_!" She made it sound like Raito had L tied up in some kinky sex swing, denying him water and food.

Misa's blue eyes went wide, and it was then that Raito noticed that L was standing behind the girl. In a Gothic Lolita_ dress. _L's dark eyes peered up at him from behind a fringe of raven hair, and a pink blush dusted his narrow face. Raito was sure that, if he were in an anime, he would've flown out the window and died because of a nose bleed.

"M-Misa?" God, he didn't need this right now! Did his voice just crack?! Oh no…

The blonde girl kept chattering away; she chastised Raito for leaving the poor neko alone…someone could have broken in and raped him (which Raito _highly_ doubted would happen. His neighbors were all old people. Huh…a rapist with a bad hip…), blah.

Raito began to ignore the girl in favor of looking at the neko with an approving gaze.

A creamy white ribbon was situated in L's unruly raven hair; his black ears were bashfully lowered, and he fiddled with his tail. _Sooo KAWAII!!_ Raito's inner girl squealed.

"--And I saw Mikami-stalker-san's car parked outside of Rai-chan's apartment!" Raito snapped out of his perverted musings of undoing the large white ribbons that held the dress on L's skinny body with his teeth, and stared at the girl.

"What was that?" Misa blinked once.

"About my shoes?" Raito mentally sweat-dropped.

"No! Mikami's car!?"

Misa clapped her hands together and jumped on the balls of her feet. "Oh! His care was parked across the street from Rai-chan's house. Misa didn't see Stalker-san, but Misa is sure that he's living in his car so he can watch Rai-chan! Oooh, he's so creepy!" The pop star/model grabbed one of L's skinny wrists and hugged him in a tight sisterly hug. "So that's why Misa brought Boyfriend-chan here! So Rai-chan can protect him!"

Misa shoved L toward Raito; the neko let out a small 'meep' of surprise as Raito's arms wrapped instinctively around his slender form. "In a dress?" Raito asked with a slight chuckle in his voice. His honey eyes, though, thanked the girl who was smarter than she looked. Misa smiled, welcoming him.

"Well, Misa was bored."

"She tied me up in a chair and threatened my cake if I didn't get into the dress." L mumbled to Raito's chest. Luckily, the model/pop star didn't hear that one; she was scary when she wanted to be…

Misa grinned almost sweetly at the back of the neko's head; Raito briefly imagined a world in which Misa ruled…and well…it scared the crap out of him. "Misa also thought that…well, Rai-chan and Boyfriend-chan could get something special to eat! Like a date!" Raito groaned, hearing the barely concealed 'squee' behind her fan-girly words.

There was a small tap on his shoulder, and the law student turned around to see his boss behind him. The rather chubby be-speckled man raised an eyebrow at the odd trio. "Yagami-kun," He said uncomfortably, "Your…friends are disturbing the customers." Raito's face heated in embarrassment, and L buried his nose deeper in the male's chest. Misa only batter her eyes at the man, giving him the 'cute look o' doom!'

"We'll only be another minuet, Sir!" She had used this act many a time on the same man, and he fell for it. Every time.

His boss' face lit up in a delighted flush (it was no secret that the man was a closet Misa-Misa fan). "Alright, Misa-Misa-san." He shuffled away from the small trio in a daze of fan-goo.

Misa smiled again, "Anwaaay, go for lunch!" She hopped up and down, causing her shoes to click.

Raito sighed and detached L's hands from his black shirt. "No Misa, I can't." Thought that dress _did_ look tempting…GAH!

Misa had glomped him, which in turn caused L's head to bash against one of the tables Raito had been cleaning before Misa had came in and started her attack. "PLEEEEASEEE RAIII-CHAN!?"

L sat up from his splayed position on the fancy tiled floor. The neko held the back of his head dizzily, and his eyes had become unfocused before he fell back. Why were there flying ninja pandas everywhere?

Misa and Raito watched as the neko fell almost in slow-motion. The thought that ran through both of their heads was three words: _Oh fuck monkeys! _

Raito pushed the girl off of his lap and leaned over the dazed L. "L?" He asked. Eyelids twitched over dark eyes, and they fluttered open.

L winced slightly, and looked at Raito. His pink lips opened and a small breath left his mouth. "…who are you?"

-

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_Oh shit! What's gonna happen next? _

_Please review! :B_


	8. Chapter 8: Old nipple clamps

_I love you guys so much. I almost have 100 freaking reviews for only EIGHT CHAPTERS. Squee! _

_Anyway, hope you enjoy this next installment of "No Refunds", I'm listening to Toybox right now…_

--

Matt thought that this Friday would be like any other normal Friday he had. Get up at noon, pee, eat some rice krispies, watch television, (if the 'mood' hit him) maybe jack off, play video games for the rest of the day.

The day was going relatively normally, because for the hour that he was up, Matt's routine was not interrupted. He sat on his faded navy blue couch, bowl of rice krispies in one hand, and an unlit cigarette in the other. The red head's eyes (covered by orange tinted goggles) stared blankly at the television screen. He had it on the QVC shopping channel, and the gamer wondered where he could buy a pair of earrings like that…

When his front door opened and his best friend, Raito stomped in, dragging a small Neko in a Gothic Lolita dress and a loudly wailing Misa, Matt wondered how he knew that today was going to be different. "Yees?" He asked through a mouth full of soggy cereal.

Raito huffed in a five year old type of way, and looked down at the neko who stared at the red head with wide eyes. Misa wailed loudly in the back ground. "MAAAATT-KUUUNN! (_sniff_) B-BOYFRIEND-CH-CHAAAN! HE DOESN'T REMEMBER RAI-CHAAAN! WAAAHHH!!!" Matt raised an eyebrow at the auburn haired law student.

Raito sat down on the dusty wooden floor and nodded to L who sat awkwardly beside the law student. "…he doesn't remember me." Raito sighed. L messed with the end of his black tail and glanced at the law student.

Matt finished his cereal with a loud, satisfied slurp, and set it on his cluttered coffee table. "Really?" Raito glared out from under a fringe of auburn hair.

"You sound far too happy about it." Matt snorted and lit his cigarette.

"Oh _really_?" He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows Raito scowled.

-

Matt was truly a genius; the gamer/nicotine addict smiled from behind a burning cigarette as his fingers flew across his computer's keyboard. Raito chewed nervously on the inside of his cheek, and tapped his foot impatiently against the wooden floor.

The very pink, and very sparkly background of the Sakura Love-Love Android company web site popped up with an annoyingly adorable 'ping!' onto Matt's scratched computer screen; (scratched because of one too many 'epic battles' on WOW.)

"Heey! They're offering tours through the factory now!" Matt grinned up childishly at Raito.

The law student blankly glared at the red head who shrugged and muttered something along the lines of '_Party pooper_'. The 'Zelda' shaped cursor swished over the home page and clicked over the purple link that said 'Help Center'.

A more somber looking pink (yet it was still sparkly, dammit) background popped onto the screen. Matt clicked on the box that said 'type complaints here!' He chewed on the end of his cigarette and typed: '_Neko memory loss due to a spastic attack by an easily excitable Yaoi fan girl.'_ Raito snorted at eh gamer's choice of words, and patted himself on the back for telling Misa to take L to a park (or wherever her little heart decided to take the neko-bot.) If she saw what Matt had typed…well, Ratio would be saying 'adieu' to his red-headed friend.

"Ah-HA!" Raito was pulled out of his musings by Matt flailing his long arms in front of his face.

"What?" Matt wildly gestured toward the computer screen where a complex diagram of a neko-bot's mother board was drawn out.

"Get a load of this." The gamer pointed to a section of the diagram that was highlighted in a powdery pink (what was with these people and PINK!?!) Ratio's eyebrows furrowed.

"Okay…what?" Matt's eyes rolled from behind his orange tinted goggles; he chewed on a piece of chocolate pocky, which caused biscuity crumbs to spray from his mouth.

"M'kay, well, see where this is highlighted?" Biscuit bits sprayed over the black keyboard; Raito inwardly cringed.

"Yes."

"This is the Technogigatron; In simpler terms (for those who are technology inept…Raito) that means it's the live-forever-chippy-thingy!" Raito raised an eyebrow; Matt took that as a sign to go on. "So, when Misa glomped L, what I think happened was that it snapped and something like…battery-acid dripped into…here!" Matt poked the screen over a section highlighted in purple. (At least it wasn't pink…) "L's memory banks. That's where _everything_ is put; all the times he's been downloaded, all his pervious owners, and you." Raito twitched slightly at hearing about 'previous owners', but he nodded in understanding.

"So the reason he can remember me is because of--"

"MISA CAN'T FIND LITTLE BOYFRIEND-CHAN!" The cry was heard by millions world wide; several people in American classrooms turned their heads unknowably toward the country of Japan.

"Good GOD, could'ja scream any louder?!" Matt had fallen out of his chair from the force from the sound waves, and was holding his palms flat against his ears. "I think I'm bleeding!"

Raito ignored Matt's whining, and his own ringing ears, and grasped the sniveling girl by the shoulders. "What do you mean you can't find him?" Misa took a deep breath, and tugged on one of her blonde pig-tails.

"W-Well Misa took Boyfriend-chan to the park, and Misa was going to get some ice cream! When Misa turned around, Boyfriend-chan was g-g-GOOONE!"

"OH GREAT! L'S GONNA GET RAPED BECAUSE OF _ICE CREAM_"

--

L was lost.

He didn't know what country he was in, nor did he know what time it was; all he knew was that he had lost someone. He knew the girl to be about his height, blonde, seeming to have a fetish for Gothic Lolita (strangely luminescent to the dress he was wearing…) Wasn't her name Misa?

His skinny body came in contact with another body; the neko-bot's owlish eyes fluttered open, and came in contact with an old woman's face. She looked startled (either at his appearance, or because she was caught walking out of a rather…risqué looking building.) "Excuse me, " She asked, shifting her nefarious looking package from one hip to the other, "Are you lost?" L's dark eyebrows furrowed but he nodded slowly. Should he be screaming 'Stranger Danger!' yet?

-

The woman's apartment was as if 'old weekly' threw up all over the place. An _old_ fashion television with doilies under everything. L was surprised at not seeing twelve cats huddled in some corner.

An old man sat in a lone plush chair, reading a newspaper; his bushy white eyebrows were knit together as he looked up to glance at the neko-bot in drag.

The woman led him into a kitchen with cheeky-cheery wallpaper and the smell of freshly baked cookies. The apartment was so overly sweet, it would give you a tooth ache.

She gestured toward a cheeky-cheery table, where L sat down in his 'normal' position; his ears were pointed and alert. Let anyone dare to touch him with a cold metal dildo! L would be ready for them…

A plate of fresh cookies was set in front of the neko-bot's face, and his eyes instantly lit up with delight. "Eat up." The kind old lady said, shuffling off to do old lady things.

Half way through the plate of cookies (with his milk untouched), L heard the cry that was also heard around the world. "MISA CAN'T FIND LITTLE BOYFRIEND-CHAN!" L's ears swiveled toward the direction and calculated that it came from…right next door.

He hopped from the cheeky-cheery table and took the plate of cookies. The old lady looked up and followed him to the door. "Where are you going dear?" L chomped down on more cookies; his tail swished around his legs. He smiled cutely up at the woman.

"My…friends are next door; it seems that they think I've been kidnapped and am currently being raped by a donkey." The man looked quickly from his paper and the woman nodded.

"That's perfectly fine dear, go to your friends; come back to seem me _anytime_." The woman gave him a hideous wink, but the neko-bot merely ignored her in favor of the cookies.

As the door clicked shut, the woman retrieved the items she had bought from the suspicious looking store. "Oh honey," She said in a croaking voice. "I have a surprise for you…" She smiled and held up a pair of fuzzy pink handcuffs and nipple clamps.

-

"--A donkey. He could have been forced to participate in a DONKEY SHOW and is being raped by the donkey while his kidnappers watch with glee!" Where did Matt get those ideas?

The door opened and in the dirty apartment waltzed neko-L who was polishing off a plate of cookies.

Matt, Raito, and Misa's collective jaws simultaneously hit the floor.

Misa instantly attached herself to L's skinny body, tears in her big blue eyes. "Where did they touch you?! Here, show Misa on this little Boyfriend-chan doll!" She magically held up a small 'Neko L plushie'.

L sheepishly looked up at Raito, who sighed in relief. "Where were you?" He asked in a clam voice, though on the inside, the inner Raito-girl screamed and wept in joy.

L lifted a thumb (well, as best as he could due to Misa's arms wrapped around his body in a constricting grip) to his pink lips. "Mm…next door? An old lady gave me some cookies."

Both Matt and Raito visibly paled as they glanced at each other.

Mrs. Sakazaki was a sexual freak.

-

-

…_old people and nipple clamps just do not mix. --bleh--_

PLEASE REVIEW.


	9. Chapter 9: PEEPS

_I'm FINALLY updated (el gasp!) I've been extremely lazy with this fic (for that I apologize), even though I have a vague idea where it's going to end and stuff like that. _

_I have a question for you guys (whom I love SO MUCH. 112 reviews!!) Do you guys really think this fic is 'funny', because I've noticed that my humor is really __really__ dry…oh well. I still love you guys! :D_

**I don't own anything! No suey suey for meh.**

-

"--And that's the plan, any questions?" Raito swept his honey colored eyes over the small trio of odd balls and sighed/groaned as Matt looked up from his hand-held game.

"Umm…"

"What parts do you need to hear again, Matt?" Matt smiled sheepishly at the domineering law student.

"The…beginning part? Er, the middle part and…" There was a dark aura around the brunet; Matt laughed awkwardly. "And the end part."

Dammit.

Raito sighed roughly and placed his hands on his hips. "Alright, pay attention; I am going to go to the main building to try and find someone who can fix L." The neko yawned and began to play with his tail. Raito bit his lip in an effort not to cry like a little girl. '_Why!?_' "Matt, you're going to stay here and keep L out of trouble (and especially away from freaky old women…). Misa," The girl (who was busily playing 'dress up' with the little neko-L doll. _Where_ did she get that!?!) brightened and smiled up at the frustrated male. "You're going to go home and wait until I call you." The girl's face fell.

"But why does Misa have to stay at home?!" Raito scowled lightly, though he really couldn't stay _too_ mad at the blonde.

"It's because you couldn't control your spastic attacks on innocent nekos." Matt snickered; Misa glared angrily at the red-head, shutting him up.

Misa stood up, tried her pout that seemed to get her everything, and when that didn't work, she kicked Raito in the shin.

The door slammed shut, and Raito bit his lip to try and erase the pain from sharp pointy toed boots colliding with his shin.

With a shuddering sigh, Raito unfurled from his doubled over position. "A-alright, I'll be back…" He began to walk to the door, but paused. Raito looked over his shoulder, and Matt swore he saw a red-glint in the auburn haired male's normally honey eyes; this cause the red head to mentally shudder. Why did he hang out with such scary people? "Oh yeah, Matt…don't touch L (you pervert.)"

Matt saw a chance to be an asshole, and so he jumped for it. "Oh come on Raito! You _know_ I'm innocent like a lamb; pure like the freshly fallen snow! Butter wouldn't melt in my mouth…well it would, but _very_ slowly."

Raito frowned and rolled his eyes. Matt watched as the law student shut the door behind him. The red head turned to the neko, and with a wide grin he asked. "Have you ever played 'Ratchet and Clank'?"

-

Raito truly _loathed_ over flirtatious secretaries.

With much effort on his part, Raito tried with all his might not to let his eye twitch. The woman with over done make-up, tortoise shell classes, and a large glittering smile that Raito was positive wasn't natural, leaned over her desk, and batted her heavily over done eyelashes. "What can I do for you sir?" She asked in a learned Japanese. She was flickering her eyes up and down his body, which made Raito feel as if he was a prized bull on display for the hick farmers.

"I need to talk with a…" He lifted a small sheet of paper that had words scrawled over it. "A Mr. Watari?" The woman snapped out of dazed flirting state, and leaned back in her chair.

"Oh!" She said, her eyes wide behind her glasses. "Watari-san is in his office, but sir, I don't know if you should bother him…" Raito frowned and smoothed on his 'you will do whatever I ask' mask.

"Miss," He said lowly, "I need to speak to Watari-san about my neko." He could see the woman visibly slump. '_"Now I'll have to go home to my eight cats and eat a microwavable dinner by myself…again."_' Raito thought meanly to himself as the woman called for the owner of the android company.

It was mean to think that, but at least Raito didn't make her lonely; she had eight cats for God's sake!

The law student didn't even notice the woman had hung up the phone until a manicured hand was waving in front of his face. "Sir?" The overly perky, yet somehow 'professional' voice of the woman pulled Raito out of his mean musings. "Watari-san will see you!"

-

The office on the top most floor was large, and the grey sky caused the all window room to seem even larger.

Raito's honey eyes swept over the diagrams of nekos until they landed on a familiar looking face. His eyebrows narrowed and he studied the picture. "L?" He asked to no one in particular. The picture was actually of someone who looked a lot like L, but without the black ears. The male in the picture was smiling cutely at the camera.

"I see that you know my son, young man." Raito turned around on his heel, his honey eyes wide.

An older gentleman with silver hair and a finely clipped mustache smiled from the large desk. Raito blinked. "Huh?" Such an intelligent boy he was. The man chuckled.

"The boy in the picture was my son."

Raito frowned, "'Was'?"

The man sighed and gave the picture a fond look. "He died five years ago." Raito's eyes widened.

"From what?!" Obviously no one had ever told Raito that asking a person how their son died was considered 'rude'. Raito skipped that class of goodness school.

The man laughed, "You're blunt aren't you?" He coughed delicately and looked up at the college student. "He was hit by an ice-cream truck; a rather…ironic way to go because L loved sweets." Raito nearly choked on his spit. He fell as if in an anime.

"His name was L?" Watari (that's what it said on the brass name plate) laughed at the young man's expression.

"Yes, and I can only assume that you're the young Yagami Raito my nephew Mail spoke to me about?" Raito's eyebrows shot up to his hair line.

"Matt?!" His brain was going to explode! Watari chuckled again.

"Yes (if that is what he's calling himself now). Mail sent me a letter telling me of his best friend who--what did he say?--'Couldn't get a date, or laid for the life of him. Please program L because I think Raito is desperate for some action and would love him.'"

Raito's eye twitched, but after he thought about it, a large smile broke out over his lips. "What a bastard." He laughed.

Watari watched as the young man calmed down from his laughing fit and primly righted himself. The man cocked his head to one side. "So…Yagami-kun, why are you here?" Ratio sighed and then looked down at the fine carpet.

Who could afford carpet this nice? Oh yeah, old perverts who modeled sex robots after their dead son. Now Raito could see where Matt got his pervy-ness.

"Yagami-kun?" Raito looked up and smiled weakly.

"Uh…well, I have this friend named Misa…well from the time she met me (and after we dated for a while) she became a spastic Yaoi fan girl." Watari nodded gravely.

"It's unwise to get in the way of a Yaoi fan's glomp attack." Raito laughed, but then frowned, remembering the events that brought him here.

"So she glomped L and…he ended up bashing his head against a table. Now he can't remember who I am!"

Watari nodded and stood from behind his desk. "I think I can help with your little problem, Yagami-kun." Raito watched as the oldie picked up a fire-engine red tackle box that was labeled ever so elegantly in fancy handwriting 'stuff'.

Oh wow.

-

When the two reached Matt's apartment, Raito wasn't shocked to see the red-head curled in the fetal position, sucking on his thumb and muttering "Circle, triangle, X…**X!!!**" Watari set the tackle box onto the messy ground beside him; Raito could just imagine the man mentally scoffing at how his nephew lived. In utter mess.

The old man looked down at his nephew, an eyebrow raised in a silent question. Raito walked over to the gamer and poked his with his shoe. The red head fell over, still muttering. "Yep, I thought as much." Raito sighed. Watari's grey brows dipped. "Video game shock'; this is what happens when someone beats Matt in a game. I remember what happened when I was forced to play 'Zelda: Twilight Princess' and beat it a day earlier than Matt." The law student shuddered. Watari mentally sweat dropped at his nephew.

A loud explosion was heard from the kitchen; both men ran to the doorway where black smoke billowed out. "Holy hamburgers!" Raito shrieked and ran to open the kitchen window.

The college student rapidly turned around to see L (now in one of Matt's too-big striped shirts) covered in melted marshmallow. Big, owlish eyes stared at the college student from behind pink goop; black neko ears twitched as a glop of pink dripped onto the tiled floor. Luckily, L was a neko-bot or that could've hurt.

Watari ran over to the neko with a wet washcloth, and began to wipe away the goop. "L Lawliet!" The old man scowled, "How many times do I have to tell you!? 'No putting peeps in the microwave!"

L pouted, still staring at Raito (who was still in shock from the explosion, and from the fact that he had said 'holy hamburgers'). "B-but the read headed Hentai told me to!"

Of course.

-

-

_Wee, so Watari is introduced…as L's (the real one's) daddy! And yes, L did get hit by an ice-cream truck…because I think he'd rather go down like that. (nod)_

_Anyway, hoped you guys liked this, and again, I'm sorry for my laziness. O.O'_

_Please review, 'cause there'll be some more Light/L goodies soon!_


	10. Chapter 10: McDonalds icecream ish good

…_An update? Really?! _

_Oh my Raito, you guys really are the best you know that? I want you to pat yourselves on the back. Also, Vera-sama and TsumikoHan, this chapter is dedicated to you guys. Vera-sama because you review for a lot of my stuff C: and TsumikoHan because you caught the 'Tenth Kingdom reference in the last chapter. _

_-_

Watari, it turned out, was a speed demon.

They flew down the highway, passing many people and having many shout at the old man to do some very bad things Raito just didn't want to mention.

Because that would be a _bad_ mental image.

The law student tore his eyes away from the road, imagining himself spread over the pavement in a rather unappetizing Raito-pancake, and let his gaze land on his (even if L didn't know that he was _Raito's_) neko.

L was playing with the frayed ends of Matt's old shirt; his tail swished by his skinny shoulder (which was slightly uncovered thanks to the large scoop neck of Matt's shirt, Raito dully noted.)

Maybe Raito was brooding, but as he looked at the neko (who looked bored with Watari's speedy antics) he felt this overwhelming sadness because the neko couldn't remember him. _But that's just stupid…_Raito sighed in his head, staring at the neko's spidery hands. _L…he's not real, or not human anyway. Jeez, look at me, getting worked up over this…it'll be fine; Watari will fix L and everything will be fine._

"Yagami-kun?" Raito looked up to the rearview mirror where Watari's be-speckled gaze scrutinized him. "Where you angsting?"

Raito grinned awkwardly, and mentally sweat dropped. When did he let himself get caught up in thought like that? "Uh…no Watari-san, I was just thinking."

The old man replied with a soft 'hm'.

-

This boy was intriguing, to say the least.

L looked over at the young man that sat to his right from behind a fringe of black. His fingers curled around his slightly fuzzy tail and his ears drooped in thought. Who was he? The neko tried to dig into his memory banks, but his efforts came up fruitless.

L sighed lightly, and tugged a bit too hard on his tail. He squeaked softly in shocked pain, soft enough that he didn't think anybody heard, but with a light blush, the neko watched as the person took his worrying hands away from his tail. The neko looked up into the male's honey eyes, and something of familiarity tickled at his 'brain'.

"Don't do that." The person murmured, not letting go of the neko's hands. L felt his blush spread over his cheeks to the tips of his 'human' ears.

"O-okay…?" L was confused; why would this person do something like that?

The car lurched and loud car horns followed them as they merged onto a different road. L paled and sighed, remembering why he never let Watari drive him anywhere. _Wait_, the neko thought, glancing down at his hands still clasped within the male's, _why is it that I can remember Watari…but not…? Grr, I don't even remember his name! _

"Watari, er, can you please slow down?" L asked, once more glancing up at the auburn haired youth who looked positively _green_. "I think you're making…um, him sick."

"STOP THE CAR!" The male yelled, causing the old inventor to slam hard on his breaks. The law student practically _jumped_ out of the backseat and onto the side of the road. L cringed when he heard the male empty his stomach. Ew.

-

Raito couldn't see how people could purge themselves, even if they had a mental disease. He spit out the McDonalds sink water and tried to clean out his nose for…what, the seventh time?!

Ugh, he hated that he was so easily car sick as well.

Looking once more into the streaked mirror (streaked with what Raito really didn't want to know) and fixed his mussed hair. God, why make a man this pretty? The law student grinned into the mirror, and then frowned. Ugh, God…why make this man have such a weak stomach?

He pushed the swing-back door and walked into the bustling 'dinning room' area of the McDonalds. He spotted Watari and L easily (seeing as, there was only one neko in the restaurant, and the fact that you probably could spot L _anywhere_); L was downing his seventh ice-cream cone whilst Watari primly picked at his parfait.

L looked up from his cone, his cheeks full of the cold, dairy delight, and swallowed the treat quickly. "Um-um R-Raito-san (yeah that's it); taste this!" The neko held up a plastic spoon covered in half-way melted vanilla/strawberry ice-cream. Raito pushed the treat away and gestured toward the parking lot.

"No thanks, L, we actually need to leave." Watari nodded wordlessly at the youth, placing his almost untouched parfait onto the brown plastic tray. L pouted lightly, and cast the empty bowls a forlorn look. _Till we meet again ice-creams…_Raito could practically hear L sigh.

Now. He needed L fixed **now.**

-

Watari looked around the law student's meticulously clean apartment in slight wonder. HE HAD NEVER SEEN SUCH BEAUTIFUL DRAPES!

The inventor snorted at his thoughts and set the red tackle box onto the carpeted floor. He looked over his shoulder at the youth and at the neko who were busily trying not to be so awkward. _Ah, the youth of today_. Watari thought fondly, and chuckled softly to himself.

L sighed and sat on the floor. "I'm bored." He said after no one paid any attention to him for more than ten seconds. Raito shut the door behind him and looked up at Watari.

The old man nodded and squatted down to the neko's height. L turned his owlish eyes to the old man before Watari pressed a spot on his neck that made his eyes go blank. Raito's mouth dropped open as the old man simply closed L's eyes and sat him on top of the coffee table.

"What-what did you do?" Raito asked dumbly. Watari chuckled and opened the red tackle box.

"I merely shut him down; don't worry, Yagami-kun, it'll be like he just took a nap. He'll wake up..." The inventor held up a screwdriver, "Hopefully."

"WHAAT!?"

-

The grey-haired man looked up from the 'sleeping' neko. Raito twitched a bit under his gaze, and finally decided that it was best for him to set his hands on his lap. Watari twirled a screwdriver in between two fingers, before setting the tool on the carpeted floor. "Well, everything is done…but…there is something that I should tell you, Yagami-kun…" Raito made a small grunting noise in the back of his throat.

"Yeah?"

"Well…" The old man began, petting his mustache of epic proportions with one wrinkly finger. "For the chip to activate so L would become your servant again…you have to…erm, how do I put this delicately without sounding like a perverted old man…?" Raito's eye twitched as Watari mused out loud to himself.

"Well…?!" Watari stood and popped his old legs. He swept away any imaginary creases that may have rumpled his starched black pants. Raito's foot began to tap.

"…Yagami-san, you must have sex with L, or else he won't remember that you were ever his master."

Raito's eyes went wide as the man merely offered him an awkward mustached smile. The neko stirred behind the scientist, and soon he sat up from the coffee table that served as an 'operating' table. L yawned cutely, and rubbed at one owlish eye. Watari turned to L. "Good morning, L." L's eyes darted up to his maker's face, and he offered a small surprised smile.

"Watari!" The neko turned from the old man, and looked at Raito with confused eyes. His black ears perked up, and then flattened against his head; he hid behind Watari's black pants, a light pink blush spreading across his pale cheeks. "Raito-san?" He asked.

Raito honestly felt like crying in pure fan girlish (boyish?) joy.

-

-

_Nerr…_

_YAY! L REMEMBERS RAITO…sort of. _

_He doesn't remember that they did naughty things, though; he's like a virgin (aw)…touched for the very first time…-snort- _

_PLEASE REVIEW BECAUSE THEY MAKE ME SMILE…like this :]_


	11. Chapter 11: Bestest Friends Forever

_Wee! Home alone…_

_I am so grateful for all the reviews you guys have given me! Thank you! This chapter is dedicated to my stalker-san, Sioen, and also to my beta Sarah! _

_Geh, sorry, I'm hyper…_

**Egh, do not own!**

-

-

Raito sat on the couch, staring at his neko. L was gobbling down 'Chunky Monkey' (a quart that Raito forgot he had bought), humming silently to himself. Watari had left an hour ago with a small wink to Raito, not saying anything and yet saying _so_ much.

Too much really.

_Meh, stupid perverted old man…_

_**Buut, if that **_**is**_** the **_**only**_** way to get L to remember me…**_ The hentai side of his brain shrugged, and jabbed the more rational side of his brain with a sharp elbow.

Raito really needed to check if he had a problem.

"Um, L…" The neko looked up to his unknown master, and smiled. A bit of ice cream clung to his bottom lip, and this made Raito's hentai brain cry out.

"Yes Raito-san?"

Raito unconsciously licked his lips, "Uh, do you remember anything before Watari shut you down?"

L placed the end of the spoon softly upon his bottom lip. His eyes pointed to the ceiling, and his tail swooshed in thought. "Mmm, I vaguely remember someone bopping me on the head…and then nothing." L went back to his--half gone--'Chunky Monkey', acting obliviously cute. Raito flushed.

"So…you don't remember…_anything_?" L rolled his eyes, his ears flattening against his bushy hair.

"No Raito-san, I do not remember anything." He placed the spoon in his mouth, cleaning it off and pulling it out with a soft pop. Raito mentally slumped, but nodded slightly. "…wait, I do remember something…" All of Raito's personalities popped up at the utterance.

L turned to the almost graduated law student, eyes wide and yet narrow at the same time. His ears were totally flat against his head, and Raito could almost fool himself into thinking that they were really just apart of L's messy hair. "Raito-san…were we ever…" The neko paused, as if thinking over what he was going to say next. "Best friends?"

Raito's eye twitched…once…then twice. He felt the hentai brain poke him, _**You can use this to your advantage! **_It nearly sang; even the rational side nodded.

_**You **_**could**_**; being 'best friends', you could build trust…so you won't feel like you're raping him.**_

Raito flashed the neko his biggest and brightest smile. "Yeah, you actually started living with me after…a…falling out with a 'boyfriend'."

L placed the spoon into his mouth and nodded. "Ah…I see." A silence fell on the two males; the only noise was the spoon scraping against recycled cardboard. Raito watched the neko closely. L looked up from his task of trying to get the _last little bit_ of ice cream that was still stuck to the sides of the empty quart. "Raito-san, what do best friends do? I'm afraid that I'm stunted in that category."

_**Oh I could just **_**show **_**you what 'best friends' of our caliber **_**do**_**…**_ Raito mentally scowled, but on the outside he shrugged.

"Well, best friends just hang out." L's eyebrows dipped delicately downward.

"'Hang out'?" Raito chuckled, amused at L's question.

"Yeah; they could watch a movie, go out to eat--"

"The way you say it makes it sound as if we're dating." L blushed lightly and offered the law student a small smile. Raito laughed nervously.

"Well, it's not like we're…kissing or anything; it's just two friends going out for some fun, right?"

L shrugged, nodded and looked forlornly into the empty ice cream container. "Hmm, well best friend of mine, could we please go fetch some ice cream? I'm afraid that…it disappeared." L flashed him a tiny smile, and Raito nearly glomped/raped him there.

Raito smiled back at him and stood, holding his hand out for the neko to grasp. L gave his hand a confused look, but shrugged and grasped it, thinking that well, best friends did it all the time, right?

--

The two walked through the streets of Tokyo; L let Raito lead him to the supermarket on account of him trying made them get lost…twice.

L's owlish eyes glanced everywhere as if this were his first time in the city. The dying light of the evening made a soft sort of sepia tone come to the neko's face. Raito mentally sighed, tugging slightly on L's hand. He was getting too poetic. "C'mon L."

L turned, eyes wide as if he was caught eating out of the cookie jar. "Oh, sorry Raito-san." The neko happily trotted back to the law student's side, hugging his arm for good measure.

They entered into the convenience store; the tiny bell that was attached to the door chimed merrily as it opened and closed. Raito looked at the freezers and proceeded in pulling L over to them. "Alright, choose whatever but…nothing to expensive." Raito pulled out his wallet, readying himself on carrying _at least_ six quarts back home.

L nodded once, as if this was an important mission, and opened the freezer door. The sound of glass hitting flesh met both sets of ears, and L glanced around the quickly fogging door. "Uh…"

"I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL WHO EVER DID THAT! BETTER HOPE YOU'VE HAD A--Oh, hi L!" Raito had quickly come to his neko's rescue, but his mouth dropped when he saw that the neko wasn't being shanked by the person, but _hugged._

"So who's your master? Hopefully it's someone hot," Blue eyes glanced in his direction and a large Cheshire smile covered the person (neko's) face. "Oooh, is this him?"

"Uh, Mello…" Raito took in the appearance of the person: blond bob-length hair, bright blue eyes and…_leather pants_. The neko ears sat proudly on top of the robot's head, and the tail swooshed like a pendulum. L's own ears were up, and his tail was poofed out like he was surprised…that or scared.

"Aaanyway, I got assigned to be with the boss' nephew, boy is he _hot_. Though I gotta tell you, this guy isn't half bad…" L's face was as red as a tomato after this 'Mello' cat (ha…_pun_.) finished his half-baked rant.

"Mello, I-I think you're mistaken! Raito-san isn't my master, he's my friend." The other neko snorted and took a bit of not-even-paid-for chocolate.

"Uh-huh…" He grunted skeptically. He swallowed the gooey substance and turned on a combat footed heel. "Well, I gotta go. I have a date with some massage lotion and a hot boy." Mello offered L a large smile and Raito a 'subtle' wink. "Have _fun_ you two!"

Raito scowled and shook his head. L walked back over to him, blushing like mad. "Raito-san, was Mello _really_ telling the truth? Were we ever…_together_?"

Raito bit the inside of his cheek, but sighed. "Yeah…"

-

-

_I'm ending right there…! _

_So how did you guys like it? I'm sorry this chapter was delayed, but again, I was too lazy to write. _

_Umm, I'm asking you guys if you can draw your favorite scene ('cause I'm a feed-back whore.) I've drawn my favorite scene (the one where they're asleep together on the couch; I'll post that…)_

_Anyway, REVIEW._


	12. Chapter 12: An Interlude

_**An Interlude **_

_Minikimii_ _told me that I should've made the part where Raito told L that they were best friends longer, and said that it would've been funny to see how Raito would cover up his 'accidental' romantic moves on L, and say "Well, best friends do this all the time". _

_And so, I bring you 'An Interlude'._

_-_

The shower water was hot, and it caused little rivers to slide down their backs. L's neko ears were down, and he averted his eyes from law student. His tail was being nervously twirled in between his spidery fingers. Raito was busily washing his auburn colored hair; L watched the man's movements, a blush beginning to heat his narrow face. "R-Raito-san…" The law student turned, causing a deeper blush take refuge on his face. "Do best friends _normally_ take showers together?"

He felt Raito's eyes sweep down his skinny body, and then his eyes met L's. "Yeah, of course." Of course they did…when they were like _five._

L lifted a wet thumb to his lips, and began to nibble on the already worn nail. He narrowed his eyes slightly, making them look half lidded. "Really?" Raito flashed his 'I only have innocent intentions under my sleeves…or lack there of' smile.

"Why would I lie?" L seemed to accept Raito's very blatant lie, and nodded to himself. Raito turned the showerhead onto the neko, causing L to squeak in surprise at the sudden 'attack' of water.

"Raito-san!" L gasped, and then gave a glare to the laughing law student. Raito smirked.

"You haven't washed your hair yet, L; I was just helping." L pouted as the water made his normally wild hair stick to the sides of his head. The law student turned and grabbed the apple scented shampoo and squirted a bit into his palm. L eyed him warily as Raito moved closer. He opened his mouth to ask the law student 'what was he doing', but fingers sinking in his raven hair made him shut his mouth.

The law student began to wash the neko's hair with tender care, causing L to sigh because taking a bath had never felt so nice. Raito's fingertips massaged the neko's ears making a pleasant shudder go down the neko's spine. Did best friends really do this?

Raito began to smile to himself as he heard L let out something that was very close to purring.

The law student directed the showerhead over the neko's head, carefully washing out the soap. L leaned up against him, his sloped back pressed against Raito's toned chest. The law student suppressed a shudder, and began to wash conditioner through L's raven hair.

_**Grr…this isn't helping your 'little' **_**problem**_**, Raito…**_

Raito ignored the groaning of his hentai brain and breathed in the strange scent of strawberries and apple. He kinda liked it…

_**Your perverted brain is right (surprisingly) Raito…you really should stop before your 'best friend' notices your **_**other**_best friend__**. **_

Raito blushed at his thoughts, and moved away from L. "I…er…did I leave the tea kettle on?"

And with the hastily, and horribly made excuse, Raito stumbled out of the shower, leaving a very confused L.

-

-

_So, not very long, but that's what an interlude is right? Haah, I was listening to a strange mixture of ABBA, Animotion, and The Darkness while writing this. -sweat drop- _

_I was gonna make the excuse 'Did I leave the curling iron on?" But then…it would be in the bathroom…so tea kettle…yeah. _

_Hmm, I've always wanted to write some shower smut…I have like a half-assed one in my note book that I'll probably re-write later. _

_PLEASE REVIEW. Because they make me smile. C: _


	13. Chapter 13: Creepy Scoutmaster

_Hmm, an update…yes…exquisite. _

_Haah, did I creep you out yet?_

**Do (or rather did) you see Yaoi in Death Note? No? Then I don't own. **

**-**

"…quite honestly…this explains a lot."

Raito blinked at the neko, who held his thumb up to his lips in a thoughtful manner. _The Thinker with cat ears_, Raito thought. L's owlish eyes were pointed up to the rather…nasty ceiling of the convenience store, and his bottom lip was slightly puckered out in thought. "What do you mean?" The law student asked, leaning up against the large freezers.

L's eyes swooped down to meet the law student's honey gaze. "Well…I find myself oddly attracted to you Raito-san; that time in the shower stands out the most." L blushed as did Raito, but their eyes never unlocked. "But what confuses me the most is…why did Raito-san lie to me that we never dated?"

Raito mentally groaned, and his hentai side bitch-slapped his brain. "I…thought that you would be…freaked out if I…well, jumped you." Raito sighed, "I would feel like a creepy scout master with brown short-shorts."

L blinked, taking the thumb away from his mouth. "What?"

Raito sweat dropped, "Never mind."

-

The walk back to the apartment was an uneventful one; Raito tried to explain as much to L as he could with out feeling like he was revealing the deep, dark secrets of sex to a wet-behind the ears, virgin. Well, then again…maybe he was?

"So that's how two men have intercourse?" L's dark eyes were wide, and a deep pink blush stained his face. Raito nodded, taking out the apartment key. L took a hold of his hand, causing Raito to turn to him. "I-I don't think that I'm ready to become intimate with you, Raito-san. Or…not yet." Raito blinked a few times before he smiled softly.

"That's okay, L." He leaned down and kissed the end of the neko's nose, causing a surprised squeak to escape L's mouth.

The law student opened the door and stepped inside the apartment; the television was on and the movie **Kill Bill Vol. 1** blasted from the speakers. "What the--"

Raito's eyes landed on Matt, who was lounging on the law student's once impeccably clean beige couch. A bowl of Cheezzey Poofs laid beside the gamer's hand, and a half-gone liter of Dr. Pepper was perched proudly beside an almost full ashtray.

Matt looked away from the screen. "'Sup Rai-chan." Raito frowned, and L peeped from around him.

"Why is the red-headed hentai here, Raito-san?" Matt's face fell. Raito snorted, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I was wondering the same thing. How the hell did you get in, Matt? The door was locked." Matt flashed him a grin and held up (of all things) a crow-bar.

The sound of a toilet flushing could be heard, and the loud stomping of boots followed. "Hey Matty, you weren't kidding. This guy seriously has _fancy soaps._" The two that actually lived in the apartment looked away from the red-headed gamer, and up to the blond neko that had just 'gracefully' stomped in.

Mello stared at Raito, who stared at Mello. Mello thrusted a finger in the law student's direction. "Heeeyy…"

-

-

_It's short, but hey…it was funny (I hope). _

_Wow…seriously…wow. I really have NO freaking clue where this chapter came from! I was thinking about it last night in bed as I was _trying_ to fall asleep. I was gonna just leap up and write it, but then again, bed was nice. :D _

_I LOVE YOU GUYS. You have made me laugh like a school girl with all your wonderful reviews! I can't wait until I see your fan art, I'm sure they're going to be wonderful as well! :D :D (Sorry, sugar high)_


	14. Chapter 14: The Sexual Exploits of Near?

_Allo people! I'm SO HAPPY about your reviews! I've broken 200, and it's all thanks to you guys!_

_I made a 'cover' type thing, and if you wanna look at the cuteness that is neko-L, just follow the link._

_Http .com/ art/No-Refunds-122722806_

_All you need to do is take out the spaces, or you can just follow the link on my profile from the 'homepage' thing. It'll take you to my page where you can find it there. You may have sift through my gallery!_

-

"So you broke into my apartment to watch a movie because your place had a 'weird smell'!?" Raito's mouth was drawn deep into a frown, and his arms were crossed over his chest.

Matt shoveled another handful of cheezzey poofs into his mouth. Mello chewed on a chocolate bar (and had been for the hour that the neko and law student had been out. Chocolate bar wrappers littered the once clean apartment.) His yellow ears twitched in irritation; he turned to his master. "Jeez, does this guy always PMS?"

Raito smacked the gamer upside the head when he nodded; Matt held head and gave the law a kicked-puppy look. "What was that for!?"

"Don't agree with him!"

L had left the room to find something to eat (preferably sweet) and had returned to the living room munching on a sugar covered apple. His ears were poking up as he listened to the blond neko and law student argue. He swallowed a chunk of apple. "May I say something?" He asked, scraping off some sugar with his fingernail and popping his finger into his mouth.

The three looked at the black haired neko. "Mello, Mello's master, it is quite rude to break into someone's apartment. It's also illegal." He chewed on the fruit and swallowed. "Also there is another person in the kitchen." As if by summoning magic, a small puff of white shuffled into the room.

Raito's mouth dropped now as dead looking grey met his wide honey. "Y-you!?" Near lifted a spoon (filled with Raito's favorite cereal…Apple Jacks) to his mouth. The albino chewed and swallowed the soggy cereal.

"Me."

Mello hopped over the couch (which was a surprising feat because he was still standing in the living room/hallway opening). He tackled Near to the ground and then held up the nineteen year old as if showing a prize. "I brought Near." Matt's eyebrows furrowed and he clicked off the T.V.

"I didn't even notice him."

Near rolled his eyes (which Raito found scary because it was the most human thing he'd seen Near do.) "Gee, thanks."

Raito was busy picked up his jaw from the floor, and after he read the instructions of how to put it on, he blurted. "Why the hell are you in my house!?"

Near glanced at the law student, then at the black haired neko, to the gamer, to the blond neko, and finally to the spilled Apple Jacks. "Mello said that there would be food."

L stood from his folded position on the couch, holding the sugary apple core arms length away his body and placed it on top of the albino's head. Near mustered enough energy to actually look surprised. "You're Near, or Nate River, Mello's first master, yes?" Near's face returned to a blank slate; he didn't move his head, so the apple core stayed perched on his white curls. Mello smirked from behind the albino and played with a few stray curls.

"Hn, I was more along the lines of 'master'…" Raito covered his ears in a childish manner.

"Ew! I don't need to hear about the sexual exploits of _Near_!"

L turned to the red-head, who had downed the rest of the Dr. Pepper; Matt was hiding a laugh from behind the two-liter's plastic rim. L cocked his head to one side. "Does it bother Mello's master that Near-san is here?" Matt leaned back and looked up at the neko with a small, goofy smile on his face.

"Nah 'cause Near knows that if he tries to make a move on Mello I'll kick his ass." Matt popped another cheezzey poof into his mouth and spoke behind the corn-puffed treat. "Aey 'ay, 'ear (**swallow**) gave me Mello 'cause he saw that I really liked him."

"And the fact that you didn't even know he was here?"

"Precisely."

Raito huffed, giving up his one-sided glaring contest with his albino rival. "Matt…get him the hell outta my house."

Matt grinned, and stood up from the crummy couch. He wiped his cheese-powder covered hands on his blue jeans and grabbed Mello by the hand. "C'mon Mells, we have to take little Neary home." Near glared at the red-head who pushed him out of front door.

Mello turned and looked over his shoulder. He waved at L, and with a grin said "Have fun with period-boy over there, L!"

The door shut and Raito was thankful. L nibbled on his thumb and turned to his once-master. "Raito-san has strange friends." Raito rolled his eyes, and looked forlornly at his messy living room.

"Look who's talking. You know that Mello guy." L smiled a little.

"Touché." He watched as Raito began to pick up the mess that the terrible three had left with a sigh; L walked up to the law student and took away the empty two-liter from his hand. "Raito-san…please let me clean for you."

Raito blinked down at the neko, but he nodded in agreement. In all honesty, who liked to clean anyway?

He watched the neko clean with surprising quickness; he leaned his head on a curled hand, musing to himself that it would be so much more entertaining if Mat had left the alleged 'maid outfit'. _**Now THERE'S some thinking, Rai-chan!**_ His hentai side mentally patted his head, and Raito rolled his eyes.

The law student didn't even notice that he had dozed off until he felt spidery, cool hands wrap around his bare feet. He jolted awake and blinked down at the neko. L's face was tilted up to Raito's, and his black rimmed eyes were wide and expectant. "L…what are you doing?" Raito asked, clearing his throat.

L's mouth quirked up at the edges, and he looked down at the law student's foot he had in his skinny fingered hand. "I thought that I'd Raito-san a foot massage…I think I'm good at it."

Raito blushed lightly but sighed shakily. "Er…okay…go ahead."

-

-

_Ah, the infamous 'foot massage scene'. You know it, you loved it!_

_Haah, anyway, please review. :D MxMxN=FREAKING GREAT._


	15. Chapter 15: GOOD GAME PERCY

_**Hmm…sorry that I hadn't updated in a while. I got off of school last Friday (thank GOD) and have been staying over at Sarah's for three days while she came over for two. (ha)**_

_**Blah blah blah…nothing to own 'cept the plot…I think.**_

-

L's head was lowered as his hands worked the flesh of Raito's foot; his ears were drawn low onto his head so that it appeared they were just part of his wild hair, and his tail flicked from one side to the other. Raito watched as the neko's pink tongue poked out from between his pigmentless lips, and he held back the soft gasp of surprise when one of L's spidery fingers prodded a sensitive spot on his foot.

Raito sighed shakily, and tried to relax.

"Raito-san?" He cracked open his eyes and looked down at the neko; L's eyes were wide, and a light blush was on his cheeks.

"Yeah…?" L's hands stilled on his feet, and he looked away from Raito's slightly hazy eyes. The neko bit his bottom lip, and leaned up, pressing his lips against Raito's.

Raito smiled against the neko's shy mouth, and leaned forward, dominating the kiss. L squeaked softly as Raito pushed his skinny body onto the floor. They broke apart, and Raito trailed lazy kisses down L's throat. He felt the neko begin to shiver under his ministrations, and this caused the law student to look away from L's pale flesh. "A-are you okay?" Their breath mingled as they panted in each other's faces. He watched as L swallowed quickly, before the neko twisted his fingers through the law student's brunet strands of hair.

Raito leaned down to capture the neko's mouth again, nipping at L's slightly plush bottom lip affectionately. L whimpered softly, and squirmed underneath Raito's petting fingers. "R-Raito-san…" L sighed into the kiss, trying to pull Raito's body closer to his own skinny one.

"Heey Rai-chan I forgot my oh-!" Raito pulled his head up from the now _very_ embarrassed neko; his honey eyes were wide but then they narrowed to dangerous slits as Matt nervously laughed, and picked up his crow-bar.

L made a move to burry his red face into the law student's chest; his ears were down in embarrassment, and his tail had poofed out.

There was a dangerous silence between the gamer and law student, until Matt easily strode over to the law student. Raito had only five seconds to wonder _what the __**hell**_ Matt was doing, until the gamer gave him a firm, open hand slap to the buttocks. "GOOD GAME PERCY!" Matt yelled before running out of the apartment.

-

_Okay, don't ask me where this came from. *laugh* Matt, WHY did you have to ruin the romance…again? First you ralf all over yourself, and now you randomly walk into Rai-chan's house to get your freaking crow bar. _

_*sigh* Raito can never win._

_Please review, sorry about the shortness. _


	16. Chapter 16: Little Raito

He felt the neko sigh heavily against his neck, and he felt spidery fingers twitch on his sweaty back. The law student felt shivers run up and down L's spine, and he messily kissed the indent of the neko's navel, tracing his tongue over the small dip of flesh.

"R-Raito-san…" L breathed, dragging his clenching hands up from Raito's back, and through his auburn hair.

Raito curled his fingers over the waist of L's loose pants, and tugged down, letting the tips of his fingers trail the smooth flesh along the way. L lifted his pelvis in order for Raito to slide off the denim, and he whimpered as one of Raito's hands pushed slightly on his erection.

Raito felt his own bulge press against his own pants, twitching at the wanton sight before him. L's eyes were hazy and at half-mast, and he panted quickly causing a fine line of drool to come from a corner of his already bruised mouth. One spidery hand came from the law student's hair and long fingers trailed down Raito's lean chest. A thumb and forefinger pinched and rolled a pert nipple, making Raito groan his approval.

"Mmm, Raito-san, please _take me_." L groaned as Raito moved their clothed hips together. The law student leaned down, breathing hotly against L's panting mouth.

"I want you to _beg_ for it." He said, tracing the neko's lips before curling his tongue around L's and sucking on it.

The neko made a strangled noise in the back of his throat, and he bucked his hips up to the law student's. "P-please!"

Raito smirked wildly down at the heavily blushing neko before he--**BEEP. BEEP…BEEP…**

Raito's honey colored eyes popped open as the horrendous noise of his satanic alarm clock drilled through his ear drums and into his brain. The law student sat up, punching the '_off_' button on the alarm and running a sweaty hand through his hair. A soft, angered groan came out of his lips as his narrowed eyes caught sight of his…er…_'Little Raito'_ standing rather proudly.

The law student laid back down with a sexually frustrated huff as he dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. "_Geh_…not cool!"

-

-

_Meh, sorry that this chapter is SOO short, but I just don't feel funny enough to write this right now. TT_TT_

_Review anyway? OxO_


	17. Chapter 17: Cock Tease

_Hiya, another update, though this time it's longer than the last._

**I don't own Death Note, Absolute boyfriend, Loveless or Calvin and Hobbes. **

_-_

Raito sighed, stepping out of the steaming shower, carefully toweling off his auburn hair, eyes closed in contentment. "Ah, that's _much _better…" The law student sighed to himself, wrapping a towel around his hips. Raito began to move to dress, but his quiet pampering time was interrupted by a loud, blood curdling cry of:

"OH MY GOD!!"

Raito ran out of the bathroom, completely forgetting about having only a towel on, and found L staring wide-eyed at the cabinet. "What!? What is it?!" L's ears were standing straight on top of his head, and his black tail was poofed out; he was pointing with a long finger at the halfway opened cabinet.

"Th-there's a HUGE spider!" The neko ran behind the semi-wet law student, peeking out from around Raito's arm. The law student sighed, and if he were in an anime, he would have sweat-dropped.

"You're freaked out by a spider?" The towel clad male asked, grabbing a glass and walking over to the cabinet. The neko glared at Raito from behind a fringe of raven, pouting slightly.

"It's big…" L mumbled, watching as the law student scooted the arachnid into the glass; Raito rolled his eyes.

"It's not going to bite L," He held the glass to his eye level, inspecting the _small _spider. "See?" The law student thrusted the glass in the neko's direction, making a loud, disgusted shriek escape L's pale mouth. Raito chuckled, walking over to the window and pitching the spider to the outside.

L's ears lowered to become flat against his head; a small pout puckered his lips as he watched Raito leave to get dressed. "Raito-san is mean…" L said loudly so the law student could hear him from the other room. "He shows me a spider, _laughing_ at my fear, and I bet he won't even make me any cake." Raito returned to the kitchen, raising an eyebrow at L's small rant. The neko gave a dramatic sigh. "He's so cruel…"

The law student frowned, rolling his honey eyes. "L, do you want me to make you a cake?"

The neko's ears popped up, and a large smile came to his lips. "How did Raito-san ever guess?!" In his head, L was patting himself on the back. Raito crossed his arms in front of his chest and snorted.

"I'm psychic like that."

Raito disliked sweets; he liked bland things, and extremely sour things, that was what his palate loved and he always wanted to keep things like that. He never really stocked up on _Sugar Frosted Sugar-Bombs_, or did he have to keep two bags of one-pound sugar in his cabinet until L started living with him. The law student scanned the various things in his cabinet until his eyes landed on the box of cake mix. "We'll have to get you some more…" He said absent mindedly, pulling the box out and placing it next to the extra ingredients.

L happily sat at the island, munching on dry cereal and watching Raito. "Hmm…" He hummed, tail swooshing from side to side. _There is a 75% chance that this will work…_L thought, teeth chomping down on more cereal.

Raito paid the neko's strange behavior no heed as he mixed the cake ingredients into a large mixing bowl. He didn't hear the bar-stool scooting back on the tiles, and he barely had time to register the feeling of cold hands tugging at his shirt sleeve before L was lifting the cake batter-covered spoon to his mouth. "L what the hell!?" Raito blinked as the neko's pink tongue licked off the chocolate mix; L's dark eyes lifted to Raito's, and the law student blushed slightly, mentally groaning.

Why must the gods be so cruel?

"Does Raito-san want some?" The law student's eyes blinked down at L who held up the spoon. Raito's hentai brain smacked him upside the head, and Raito nodded, smiling loosely.

"Yeah…" L mentally did a dance of joy with Raito's lips met his own, and his hands could swipe the bowl of cake mix. _Success!_

L broke their lip contact and gave Raito a sweet smile. "You're easily manipulated, Raito-san." Bowl in hand, the neko ran off, leaving a stunned Raito in his kitty-cat wake.

-

-

_Haha, L just wanted the bowl of cake mix. Don't worry peeps, there will be ACTUAL yaoi soon…I've been such a cock tease. :3 _

_Dedicated to Sarah (for having to go through the HELL of her cousins), FragilePuzzle (a new friend :B), ZoneRobtnik, and STALKER-SAN hahaha_


	18. Chapter 18: Boys just wanna have fuun

_I'm getting around to updating guys, but I'm REALLY sorry that it's so short. The next chapter really will be longer! _

_-_

"Misa knows this wonderful place by the sea where you could take boyfriend-chan!" Raito rose an eyebrow, sipping his hot tea. Misa had stopped by his work during his lunch hour, batting her eyelashes at his boss to give Raito another fifteen minuets of break.

"What?" He asked, taking a bite from his salad. Misa smiled, stirring the lemon in her tea with a red finger tipped hand.

"Rai-chan hasn't had sex with boyfriend-chan, sooo Misa is just trying to...speed things along."

The law student nearly choked on the forkful of leafy greens he had currently been chewing. The girl smiled and giggled, sipping her tea with a smug, knowing look on her face that Raito was _sure_ she had picked up from him when they were dating. "Do you doubt my sexual prowess?" The law student asked, clearing his throat of any lettuce, feeling a major blow to his (very large) ego.

Misa hummed, rolling her eyes up to the ceiling. "Nooo, Mis just read somewhere that sex on a vacation brings more orgasms, and Rai-chan could probably use some _alone time_ with boyfriend-chan during his college's winter break."

Raito nearly face palmed at his friend's bluntness..._nearly_ (but he didn't because he was _calm_ and _composed_). Misa pulled out two tickets, smiling largely and waving the papers in front of her law studying friend's face. "Misa already got two train tickets, so there's no way Rai-chan can disagree..." She gave him a smirk that Raito felt would scare off a death god...or something along those lines. "_Right_?"

Raito groaned, this time giving into his urge of face palming. "You're evil, you know that?" Embarrassment settled heavily on his shoulders. Why did his friends _always_ have to meddle in his love life?

Misa only replied with a satisfied slurp of her tea.

-

"So Misa-chan gave you the keys to her winter home in Okinawa so you could take a holiday?" The train rumbled and shook slightly as it rumbled down the track. Raito was lounging against one of the fine, plush seats, book in hand. He lifted his eyes to L, who was staring at him, a lollipop resting in his mouth.

"Yeah, pretty much." A small smile lifted the corners of L's mouth, and he turned toward the large window where the scenery quickly passed by.

"That was nice of her." The small, private compartment was filled with the sounds of plastic candy wrappers being shifted around as the neko looked for more of his sugary addiction. He rested his head on Raito shoulder, pouting slightly in defeat when he didn't find any more candy; Raito rolled his eyes, and placed a hand on his neko's head, idly petting L's raven hair. He turned back to his book, eyes drooping closed after a few minuets of reading.

-

-

_Geh, really I'm sorry that after a long time of waiting SHORTNESS is all that you guys get (face palm) But, please review anyway :D_


	19. Chapter 19: Raito, what's getting it on?

_So, after THREE MONTHS of not updating, I'm bringing you another chapter of 'No Refunds'. I really am sorry for not updating for so long, but as you know, life and such gets in the way of things you love. Also, I was REALLY lazy...but another factor was I didn't want to write FLUFF. Ugh...so anyway, I hope you all had a good Holiday, and I'm sorry that this is so short, but the next chapter is where we get to the good stuff._

_-_

_Holy hell_... was Raito's thoughts when the stepped in front of Misa's holiday home. Mansion...estate, _castle_, whatever. His neko also looked up, studying the large house as if he was a buyer, and let a thoughtful frown tilt his lips. "This is...quite extravagant." L said, cat ears pointed upwards. Raito snorted, gathering up his jaw and smiled slightly.

"Well, you've met Misa."

"Indeed." Raito reached into his pocket, pulling out the card that had a seven digit pin number just so they could get into the damn place! 7-8-9-9-5-4-2; the high pitched beeping noise as he pressed in the buttons was slightly irritating, but Raito supposed that he would just have to get used to it. For a week at least.

The door was opened by a snooty woman that reminded him Raito far too much of Taka--what was her name again? The law shuddered when she eyed both he and L up and down before resting her eyes on him. "Amane-san said that you would be coming Yagami-san," Her beady eyes dropped to L. "And...friend." Raito scowled darkly at her when her fat head was turned to let them in the house.

A cheerful woman followed the bitchy one. She had almost _blinding_ bubble-gum pink hair, and she was dressed head to toe in a classic maid dress. She skipped toward them, nodding once to the Taka-something look alike. The bitch sniffed in her direction. "Miki-chan will show you two to your rooms." The other woman, Miki, rolled her eyes at the woman's stiff voice.

The house was large and had a European style to it (typical of Misa's own tastes). Some of the furniture that Raito saw were both classic Victorian pieces and Japanese. Miki was babbling how it was so nice for Amane-san's friends to come to the house! She so so so knew that they would just ADORE Okinawa! Raito mentally sighed while L slumped beside him.

Miki bounced all the way to the door; she regarded them with a large smile, and a strange glint in her eye. Raito gulped because he _knew_ that look: the dreaded look of a spastic YAOI FANGIRL. "Amane-san didn't really _specify_ if you two wanted separate rooms or not...so I just assumed that..." She giggled into her hand, handing Raito the key to the room.

The law student sighed softly, but gave her a small smile in thanks. "Um, thank you Miki-san, but L and I are kinda tired so..."

Miki's eyes went wide, and an even larger smile stretched her lips. She began to bounce away, giving Raito a small wink before she left. "Oookay, I get it!" When she was down the hall, the maid yelled "You get 'em tiger!" L blushed lightly as Raito groaned and sweat dropped.

"Why are they _everywhere_?" Raito murmured to himself as he unlocked the room door.

L peeked from around Raito's stilled form; a small snort left his mouth when he saw exactly _why_ Raito had stopped. The large king-sized bed was covered by a dark red satin sheet. Over the plush comforter, pink and red rose petals were scattered decoratively. On the large comfortable looking pillows, a neatly folded cream coloured envelope was perched innocently.

The neko moved past the frozen law student and picked up the note. He glanced up at Raito and began reading the neatly scrawled kanji. "_Dear Rai-chan and Boyfriend-chan, Misa-Misa hopes you like your room! Rai-chan, please get it on with Boyfriend-chan before you explode. __Okinawa is out of the way so Matt-kun can't interrupt the love-fest. If by some weird turn of fate and the authoress decides to throw Matt-kun and his own Boyfriend-chan into the melding pot _(way to break the fourth wall, Misa-chan)_, Misa will make sure to personally throw them into a closet with no food. Love, Misa-Misa!_" L blinked and frowned lightly at the end of the note, and as innocently as he could muster, he said, "What do you think Misa-chan meant by '_getting it on_'?"

Raito's left eye twitch. **_That little _tease_._ **

_For once, I agree with you._

"...L..." Raito slowly moved toward the neko, kicking the door shut in the process. "Do you want me to show you?"

**-**

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_...yes that just happened. After that long of a hiatus, I ended it on a CLIFFHANGER BAHAHAHAHAHA! --ahem-- Soooo...I hope that you guys didn't forget about me, but PLEASE REVIEW. (By the way, this is a totally different direction then I intended to take it, but RAITO WANT SEX NOW.)_


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